10 Ways to Greater Self-Centreness

Encouraging self-centredness... whatever next? Perhaps part of you is thinking it’s a selfish and deplorable suggestion? Though my guess is another part of you is dying to find out what I mean and why focusing on your ‘self’ is so important.

Most of us want to feel happy, content and fulfilled, and probably more so than we do currently. Exploring it further, I believe this contentment and fulfilment is about being able to be ourselves fully in all areas of our lives, and to feel solid and happy in who we are, or to put it another way - to know our centre.

As we are all unique, we have different needs and ways of being. What suits one person and makes them happy will be the opposite of someone else. So, the key is learning the ingredients in life, and the way in which these combine, which suit you.

How many of us...
..forget ourselves and spend much of our energy focused on changing others or things outside of ourselves?
..aspire to an external idea of what others say brings happiness, rather than daring to explore inside ourselves what actually brings us happiness?
..try to find our centre outside ourselves, in our partners, kids, money, career, status, achievement etc?

It is not easy in our fast pace, ever changing world to make and take the space to hear ourselves, and find our own individual way to live happily. We are caught in our social conditioning of what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘right’ and bombarded with messages and information by the media on how to live and ‘the’ way to succeed. It is easy to follow the norm and an external definition of success rather than discover and live our own version, when human nature drives us to belong and connect with others.

Yet, at some point we find ourselves in some kind of pain and searching for a way forwards; we may feel empty and be looking for someone or something to make us feel whole or loved, we may be unable to sustain the stress and become physically or mentally ill and wonder why we can’t hack it, we may find ourselves trapped in an addiction or habit to try to block out the need to change.

In our family life, and as we enter into relationships with others, we learn more about ourselves. In particular we feel the tension of being an individual in relationship and the differences between what the relationship needs and what we as an individual need. How we handle these differences is important.

How do we hold onto our sense of ourselves, and our centre, in relationships, both with people and things?

How do we recover ourselves and our centre when we lose it?
After all, it’s a natural phase in new relationships where you fall ‘in love’ whether with a partner, or a new baby, to become engrossed in the other and lose yourself in some sort of union. Many of us know that feeling early in a relationship when you’re ‘in love’, where you feel so close it’s hard to tell where you both begin and end. In this phase couples are focused on creating an ‘us’ rather than on their individual identities.

It is no surprise that mothers often talk about losing themselves. I know myself how all consuming a new baby is, and how powerful and natural the mother-baby bond, to the point that we identify with being a mother over individual needs for a while.

Some people feel so compelled by their career that they are drawn into working longer and longer hours and living more of their life through work. In this case maintaining and furthering a work identity and title dominates over their individual needs.

This is not sustainable.

The new lovers cannot live life as an ‘us’ forever, and have to find themselves again whilst exploring how to still be in the relationship. The new mother cannot physically and emotionally keep going if she fails to remember her own needs and look after herself. The careerist reaches a point where changing the balance in their life is essential to avoid adverse affects from the increasing stress.

I believe the answer to recovering and moving through these stages lies is learning about being self-centred - being yourself, with awareness and responsibility for your own needs. Mature or adult self-centredness comes from combining self-awareness with taking personal responsibility and being aware of the world around you.

Without this responsibility, it becomes a childish selfishness, where the focus is solely on the individual at the cost of relationship. Mature self-centredness does not stop you from being able to focus on and reach out to others; it increases your capacity to do so, as you have a solid foundation for relationship.

Different generations learn different things - until the 80s and Margaret Thatcher’s time ‘selfishness’ was generally judged harshly and ‘sacrifice’ rewarded in the UK. However, a shift towards rewarding more individualistic behaviour since seems to be taking things to the other extreme with a focus on self, but often without responsibility, that feels childish and selfish.

What if we discover a middle ground of mature self-centredness, where we have our own needs and can be in healthy relationships? Isn’t this what we yearn for?

I believe it is time for a new awareness and view of ‘self’ with an ability to recover this ‘centre’, so that we can be happy in ourselves as individuals and build healthy, happy relationships and families.

10 Ways for starters...

Through my coaching, dialogue, reading and personal experience I have identified many of the elements involved with becoming more self-centred, along with creating many practical and tangible ways for individuals to explore the process.

Here are 10 simple pointers to experiment with:
1) Write down what you really want in your life right now
2) Take an action towards something you’ve realised you want
3) Notice your emotions and the message behind them
4) Stop analysing a decision or problem and trust your gut instincts
5) Imagine your ideal future as if you were there
6) Notice what you excel at and how great it feels
7) Give yourself what you’re always giving others
8) Enjoy your unique perspective, where what is obvious to you is not to others
9) Be quiet and just be with yourself
10) Explore your creativity without aiming at a result

I will share more depth and context for these over time, however please contact me if you are interested in hearing more.

I want to acknowledge and thank Danusia Malina-Derben, as through our dialogue and work together we created the ‘Centring Model’ and started to articulate the importance of putting your ‘self’ at the centre. Since running our Centring Workshops together in 2004 / 2005 we have followed our individual journeys. This is my personal expression of our self-centring philosophy, which has evolved over the last few years.

Beginning Relationships through Idaho Online Dating

Starting relationships is something that is sometimes never expected. We find ourselves with relationships or we make a resolve to be in one, and the final product is either making it or just being involved in a long dating process as we determine whether the person is really the one. Dating gives life to a person, and generally opens the way for bigger and immaculate things. If you are without a relationship, sometimes the going rate can be quite tough. This is what afflicts many singles in Idaho, and they seem not to have realized about the wonders of Idaho online dating and what it means to them.

Online dating has come and distinguished itself as the wind of really change in relationships, with people accomplishing their love goals in a manner very different from the normal dating instances. It seems singles in Idaho have the chance to dictate their love lives and determine the fate of their relationships. Idaho online dating has given them a chance to try dating at its best and to have as many suitors as they would want. Dating is very crucial in the life of a relationship, whether you have just met or you are in a marriage. It is what makes a relationship to have color and gain the energy and horizon to forge on.

If you are in Idaho and an executive who have no time to go offline dating to meet singles out there in the normal dating way, you have the chance to start relationships the way you want. In dating, finding the person who makes your world whole is very important, a person you can love and hold, as well as sharing the delicate paradigms of life. Relationships feel the gap of socialization that man cannot stay without, and together the couple is able to enjoy the best of dating and romance, as they continue to make relationships work for them.

Idaho online dating gives a chance to the singles in Idaho to at least make a mark in dating. The way a relationship comes forth strong and sure, changes all the things that make dating true. If you were in a romantic relationship before, and all of a sudden, you have realized you are heading nowhere, you might decide to go back to the dating draw board and meet the girl or man of your dreams. You might be in luck, since almost everyone is going online for relationships. If you are after a person who comes from your backyard, you might decide to have Idaho online dating as the sure choice of where you are headed in a relationship.

You might just come to realize what dating is all about, as you enjoy all the things that make sense in romance. The more dating is initiated, the more you make a relationship to have a life, and you will not be disappointed. There is no reason to, since online dating has brought the whole world at the same dating slate, where you can meet your immediate Idaho single neighbor, and start some romantic moves.

Choosing the Right Guam Dating Online Site To Join

Many dating sites that Guam dating online singles can join and make use are available. There is no easier way of starting out on online dating like through registering in one of them, rather than doing it as a guest. Being a part of the proceedings will give you a strong base upon which you can begin dating and changing your life in the right direction. It is very important to find the best way of transacting dating issues, more so online, so that finding the best of Guam dating might be a unique and exciting process.

Some websites require you to pay some membership money to start upon Guam dating online, and you must be clear in the choice you have made. Perhaps you can contact your friends for a referral on the right dating site that gives a unique experience and quality services. However, it will be a blunder if you stick to their directive, since their romantic and relationship needs are very different from yours. The more you find the kind of dating site that changes your life the better. You should always find the right site that settles your personality and avails the kind of singles with whom you share the same characteristics.

Guam dating online through a paid site offers you a better deal considering the many features that modern dating sites have within them. You can find many dating sites with features that include Instant messaging, chat, access to profiles, photo and video albums of members, matchmaking services, filters and many others, which become hassle free to use once you are a member. The features make your interaction so easy and the more you meet singles through a site that offers you such services the more you will enjoy the holistic online interaction with your Guam dating online person.

Of late, singles have discovered the importance of online dating and the services that are provided. The more you find the right person to start dating today, the more you find the right person to enjoy dating and romance. The best way you can do is to narrow down your search to those singles that are in your neighborhood or location, so that the chances of meeting might also be harnessed. In addition, meeting singles from your area will be an advantage since you share the same cultural and social characteristics. There is no better way of meeting like through Guam dating online, since it gives many choices to choose from, and the response is fast and immediate. You will find dating online so easy if you find a good online site, and it is the one to aim.

If you find the entries at Guam dating online are going nowhere, make sure you do not give up. The partner you might be looking for could still be unregistered. In dating and romance circles, the essence is to be strong and never to give up; otherwise, love issues have never been easy and do not expect them to be.