The Body Language Of Flirting, Part 4

The next topic I'll be covering in this series is that of gestures, and their important in flirting.

Most of the time, men are focused on what they are going to say next, rather than pay attention to what is happening around them.

And that often leads to a blown attempt at a pick up!

So what part do our gestures play?

They go hand in hand with our posture, and are sending non verbal messages to the person we are focusing on. They show our interest in the other person, and likewise will show us if it's being reciprocated.

It also ties in with our energy levels - it's the way we put energy into the conversation. If you are lively, you will likely be more animated in your gestures than if you are preoccupied.

In this way, gestures (and the accompanying energy level) can be both a curse and a blessing. Poor energy, low level gestures can betray the words we speak. High energy, lively gestures are infectuous!

It's a do or don't situation. Either way, if you don't decide on what gestures to use, your mind will go ahead and do it for you. You can naturally get into a groove, but if you DON'T, then you have to change that yourself.

So what gestures can we learn to use that will come off as natural and spontaneous? That's a great question.

If you pay attention to two people in rapport, you'll notice that they are REALLY animated. They'll use their hands, sometimes pointing to emphasize, or nod their heads in agreement.

These are all great gestures! The main thing with these is that they will occur naturally when you get into rapport with another person.

There are many gestures you'll notice if you watch, but for now let's pay attention to the simplest of them - the nod. It may seem like nothing, but it is a tremendous conversation regulator! Master it and you will find it an effective method of gaining rapport as well.

The key is to use single quick nods, for the most part. They will be helpful in keeping someone talking to you.

Other nods are helpful in different ways, and some have the effect of interrupting the flow of the conversation. A quick double nod will speed up the conversation, while a triple nod or slow single nod will more than likely interrupt it. Keep away from those for most part.

Other gestures to watch for are nervous type gestures, such as hand clasping or wringing. Palm rubbing fits in this category. Again, they are infectuous; the other person might become anxious as well.

A controllable part of this trait is the DIRECTION which you point your hands. Poiting towards yourself heightens the nervousness. Pointing away from yourself actually shows confidence! You can guess which is better.

Make an effort to start using gestures that point outward. Over time they will become habit. As well, watch the gestures of the person you are flirting with - they are great indicators, and by having a stronger presence, you can actually put someone at ease with your gestures!

Another VERY powerful technique is to slowly synchronize your gestures with the person you are flirting with. Now, if things just naturally go right, it will probably happen anyhow, but by actually attempting to get into the flow, you are going to build a greater rapport than ANY words could possibly build!

This type of synchronization will allow you to take a nervous, awkward conversation and turn it around very quickly.

When it does happen, it's a sign of comfort. And from there, you can move on in your advances.

Work on these techniques - they are as powerful as any you will learn.

In the next article in this series, I'll talk about how your facial expressions have a powerful effect on your flirting technique!

A Designated Driver to Prevent Drunk Dialing

We’ve all seen some sort of movie where a couple breaks up. There’s about five minutes of a sad song that plays while the two characters go about their daily routine in misery until one or the other decides to patch the relationship. Though movies are often romanticized to give everyone hope, this is sometimes how you feel after a breakup and your outcome can be the same. However, something the movies don’t always show the mistakes that can be made during the breakup time. One in particular is drunk dialing and it can be very deadly to the makeup part of a breakup.

What is Drunk Dialing?

Basically it’s when you make a phone call that you have no idea what the outcome is going to be. All you could think about is hearing your ex’s voice again or making him see the error of his ways and convincing him to take you back. You’re likely to regret this call in the morning. Most drunk dialing incidents happen late at night and some occurrences actually involve alcohol.

The need to talk to your ex isn’t going to help your goal of getting your ex back because you’re more likely to monologue about nothing. If you’re lucky after making this mistake your ex just hung up on you and you talked into a dead phone. Even if your ex only heard the first part of your speech, it’s likely he wasn’t very impressed and more annoyed with you than before.

How can you avoid Drunk Dialing?

The best way is to not allow drinking to be the bandage for your wounds. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and doesn’t even always numb the pain. Social drinking might be okay but it would be best if you had someone there to be the designated phone holder or breakup patrol or someone that will prevent you from making a late night drunk dialing mistake.