French Kissing Secrets

Guys, I’ll level with you right now: If a girl can practice giving head on a banana or a bottle of mineral water (thanks, Madonna), then a guy can practice making out with her, by using those very same items.

Really, I’m not making this up! In essence, kissing is not unlike eating or drinking. It’s the STYLE that makes all the difference. Have you ever slowed down enough to really explore the sensuous aspects of eating a banana, one slow bite at a time, or sipping slowly from a refreshing bottle of sparkling water? A girl’s lips are like the mouth on a bottle of water. Her tongue is like the fruit of the banana.

When it comes to how to kiss a girl, we females tend to agree that most of you share one basic problem: Guys rush. Now, rushing is a way to avoid intimacy. In fact, in the animal kingdom, rushing is aggressive behavior, designed to keep competing or threatening animals at bay, and thus it’s a turn-off.

No, guys, this does not mean that you have to sit by passively, like a lump, and wait for the girl to make all the moves. Most definitely not!

A lot of guys have never really learned how to kiss a girl. There is one big reason for this: In our culture, guys are taught not to admit when they don’t know how to do something well. They believe they’re expected to know it all. This problem just creates ignorance and confusion all around.

Now, to make matters worse, usually a girl will not tell you if you can’t kiss her well. Probably she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, nor is she likely to feel like teaching you how to kiss a girl just then. Maybe she has even have made up her mind that you’re hot stuff — sexy enough to go to bed with, perhaps — but once she realizes that you can’t KISS sexy, the rest is basically game over. Women usually know from experience that when a man fails the kiss test, then there is not much hope for the rest that follows.

Here are some basics for you:

PAY ATTENTION. Look at her once in a while. Don’t get off in your head somewhere, mind-tripping on whether you are getting to where you want to go fast enough, or which of your buddies you can tell about this adventure tomorrow. Otherwise, she is likely to start making out her grocery list in her mind, while you think she is so into you.

The sensual possibilities of kissing are endless. The Zen of kissing is to stay present. Be in the moment. Vary your kisses. Touch her hair. Smile. Brush her hair off her forehead with a slow wave of your hand. Touch her cheek. Let her touch you back.

PRACTICE CATTITUDE. Guys, you may think I’m completely bonkers here, but I’m serious! If you want to learn how to kiss a girl, then go study cats.

Some sexy things about cats: They make great snugglers. Plus, cats can make themselves completely comfy and at ease in the most unlikely places. Furthermore, cats are fully involved in whatever captures their fancy; they take as long as they like with it; and they don’t ever stop to wonder whether they are doing it right, or how silly they may look. They just enjoy themselves!

In other words, cats are the perfect sensual hedonists. Watch a cat as it grooms a kitten, another cat, or even its own sweet self. Some cats even like to groom dogs! So, regardless of what a cat is doing: It devotes itself completely to that activity; it moves at a relaxed yet steady pace; it doesn’t rush or skimp on the process; and finally, it doesn’t stop until it gets enough of it.

Kissing, then, has a lot in common with cat-style grooming. Grooming is foreplay to kissing, just as kissing is foreplay to sex. The trick, again, is not to hurry through any step of the process. Enjoy yourself, as a cat does. Kissing is kissing — it is not about getting your thing inside the girl; if anything, it’s about making her want you there. And you can’t force that if you ever want to see her again! As sexpot Mae West famously said, “I like a man what takes his time.”

This may hearken back to our own primate heritage. Baboons, for instance, spend a lot of time grooming each other. Grooming is a highly comforting form of intimate contact. It strengthens the emotional bonds between mother and child. Likewise, grooming serves to create or sustain relationships between other baboons. Nuzzling someone or inviting them to groom us is a way of communicating nonverbally that we like them and want their attention. It’s a way of reinforcing trust. That’s probably why “petting” is one synonym for making out.

Guys, you can even play at being a cat while you are making out with a girl. Try rubbing against her cheek, making endearing purring sounds, languidly stretching into a cozier position, and so forth. Sure, maybe she will think you are being goofy, but she probably won’t tell you to take a flying leap off the nearest balcony. Most of my girlfriends admit that they like it when a guy is sensually playful with them and does a lot of the snuggling behavior of cats. Just act naturally while you are doing it. This is not about putting the moves on a girl, you see. Rather, it’s about tuning into her frequency, then luxuriating in it with her — which, you may have noticed, is one of the things that we find so endearing about cats! Cats tell us that they like being with us by way of this unforced yet sensual behavior.

BRUTE FORCE LACKS FINESSE. The other big problem with guys who don’t know how to kiss a girl is that they don’t realize that forcefulness does not win a woman’s heart. A show of force, once again, is aggressive, not intimate. It may be a great way to dominate another male, but not a female! Most guys approach sex as if they were about to engage with another guy, even if they never have! So don’t grind your stubble into her face, and don’t crash your teeth into hers.

Likewise, don’t grip her head so hard that you twist her neck, nor should you grab her torso so hard that you bruise her ribs. Also, rapid-fire tongue action is usually a turn-off, along with its opposite, a rapid-fire series of dry, pecky kisses. Like the song says, you can’t hurry love.

Another key to successful making out is learning to receive a kiss as well as give one. Most guys don’t know how to receive. You, however, can be our delightful surprise. Please let us kiss you back! Yielding a bit does not make you less of a man.

COMMUNICATE VERBALLY TOO. And finally, it’s okay to ask us if we like what you’re doing in the lip-lock department! Instead of murmuring sweet nothings, try murmuring a sweet question into our ears. Frankly, plenty of us find it charming when a guy cares enough to check! We don’t expect you to be perfect, just attentive. Try us and see.

HOW TO FRENCH KISS A GIRL: FINDING THE PATH

French kissing means kisses that involve tongues. As you discover how to French kiss a girl, the main point to keep in mind is not to rush into tongue-kissing, since that can be a big turn-off for a girl who is not ready for a tongue in her mouth. You can find your way down the path slowly. By this, I mean that if you lead up to the French kiss through talking, respectful touching, and other, less intimate forms of kissing, you will increase your odds of success with French kissing, and you are both likely to enjoy it more when it finally does happen.

How you kiss someone tells her a lot about who you really are. Kissing is very intimate, and very revealing. It also helps the person you kiss decide whether or not she wants to grow even more intimate with you. So, understandably, a lot of people are shy about kissing someone they like. The reason for shyness is usually the fear of rejection.

This helps explain the popularity of kissing games such as Spin the Bottle. If you “have to” kiss someone because of the rules of a game, there is less fear of rejection.

BUILD UP TO THE KISS: It bears repeating: The art of how to French kiss a girl largely involves what you do to build up to it. Some examples: you can take a girl’s hand, compliment her on the look or smell of her hair — whatever is heartfelt and genuine for you. Increase the level of intimacy gradually, through sensual forms of touch and other non-verbal communication. A sigh, for instance, can be very romantic and far more eloquent than the most cleverly phrased sentence. Besides, most girls have heard it all and will know when you are putting them on. Again, be sincere.

Brushing your teeth an hour or two before any experience that is likely to lead to French kissing is always a good idea. However, it’s also smart to have mints or gum on hand to take care of bad breath. You can always offer your partner one, too — it’s a polite way of asking her to take care of her breath without having to spell it out so directly.

Smoker’s breath is unpleasant to many non-smokers. Who knows, though; the unusual taste may appeal to a non-smoker’s sense of the exotic or taboo. The best way to find out, of course, is to ask, and it’s also a good idea not to have a smoke, or any strong-tasting food, soon before you are likely to kiss.

It’s okay to admit to nerves. Take her hand if you do! Admitting that you’re vulnerable is intimate. Just try not to giggle while you are kissing. If that’s too hard for you to avoid, just back off and be sure that your partner knows you are not laughing at her.

Oh. And kiss her because you want to, not because you feel it is expected. This is one way to kill many a great moment in kissing. Remember, kissing should be fun! Neither of you has to go any further than you wish. If your intuition tells you to back off, then please listen! If either of you is afraid of going too far, too fast, then find a semi-private place to kiss, such as a public building or outdoors. Well-lit parks and well-patrolled paths can be pleasant places to make out; just be sure to keep an eye out for purse-snatchers and the like.

FIND YOUR OWN FRENCH KISSING STYLE: Don’t try to kiss like a movie star or a porn star. Just because a guy is famous doesn’t mean that he truly knows how to French kiss a girl. Ask your partner what she likes or doesn’t like. You shouldn’t have to do everything using guesswork!

Do pay attention to her body language, though. If you find a particular motion or style she likes, then go with that, but don’t stick with it forever. If you have had your tongue in her mouth for a minute or more, try backing off a bit, or at least shift the position. Let her do some of the giving, too.

And really, if you are finding your own spontaneous kissing style, it will change a bit from girl to girl, and even with the same girl. You see, how to French kiss a girl is like dancing or any kind of teamwork: learning to give and take with your partner is likely to be more rewarding for everyone involved, than if you are always doing the leading, or always following.

Mix it up a bit in other ways, too. Touching her hair gently, caressing her face, and so forth can greatly enhance the art of the kiss. You can be gentle, yet insistent, with your tactile manner. Again, see what she likes. Don’t be afraid to vary things a bit; just try not to rush or jump too quickly from one thing to another. If you pay attention to her, you will find a mutually satisfying rhythm. Good kissing is an ongoing experiment in pleasure.

As you explore how to French kiss a girl, try parting your lips slightly and pressing gently against her lips. Also, be sure that you both have enough room to breathe. Tipping your face sideways a bit usually works.

END THE KISS: This can be nearly as important as the lead-up. When you back off, do it slowly, rather than abruptly, and it’s nice if you can maintain some other kind of connectedness, like eye contact or touching her hand. You can even combine both, by kissing the back of her hand while you look into her eyes. Smile a bit. This is very endearing to most girls, and you may be surprised at how much you enjoy this bit of vulnerability. Mostly we are taught to avoid eye contact and physical embrace, because of the risk of rejection. Daring to bridge this gap often brings increased intimacy and heightened arousal to your kissing experience.

Finally, if you have any cuts or sores in your mouth, then please put off the French kissing until another time, and find something else you can do with your intimate time together. The same applies if either of you may have a cold or flu. Kissing is all about feeling good, and you should feel your best in order to enjoy it. If the feeling isn’t real, no amount of pretending will bridge the gap. And if you really like each other, trust me: You will find other chances to share this experience. Put these recommendations together and you’ll be surprised at just how easy it is to learn how to kiss a girl.

SOLVING THE MYSTERY OF HOW TO GET A GIRL TO KISS YOU

Most guys miss out on one basic aspect of what is involved in how to get a girl to kiss you. Nine times out of ten, it seems, it is the girl who chooses to kiss the guy. Likewise, in many animal species, it is the female who chooses her mate. So usually you will not kiss her first. Most of the time, the girl selects where and when the kiss happens. You can do lots to lead up to it, though.

SET THE SCENE. You can create a romantic mood. For every woman, this may be different. Some women like an exciting adventure of a date, which could be anything from an amusement park to a movie thriller together on the sofa. Others prefer a more subdued mood. The candlelit dinner is one classic example.

While this sounds obvious, many guys overlook one step that is a basic part of how to get a girl to kiss you. If you have a girl over for a visit, then be sure to tidy up your place! However humble it may be, make sure that your home projects a romantic ambiance. The surroundings can really help prepare a girl to kiss you. Set out flowers and well-displayed pictures and objects for your guest to enjoy. If you are really clueless or simply unable to clean your place before she comes over, then pay a friend or even a professional housecleaning service to do the job for you. Just be sure not to put this off until the last hour! You want to be relaxed, fresh, and able to enjoy your time together, rather than wondering if she notices your sweating and fatigue.

Playing mood music for her may seem a bit obvious, but why not? It is certainly okay to ask her what kind of music she likes, and then to have that available for her visit. And if she doesn’t like background music, then don’t play any. It’s not a requirement.

Variable lighting, however, is a fine idea — “mood lighting” can be even more of a romantic enhancement than mood music. So to set the mood, as you learn how to get a girl to kiss you, you should avoid any location that involves harsh, overly bright lighting. If you go out to a restaurant, for example, choose a candlelit table that is not set out in the middle of the room. If you want to linger over a meal, then be sure you are seated with her on comfortable chairs, or in a cozy booth. Sharing bites of your meal or dessert together can be a lovely way to connect. Sharing food, whether it is pasta or ice cream, can be a very friendly and inviting way to build toward a kiss.

BUILD HER TRUST TO BRING HER CLOSER. Touching, done in ways that connect the two of you, can be great. Taking her hand, if it springs from a genuine impulse (sincere, in other words), is fine. You can touch her arm while you are talking, in order to emphasize a point. This has to be done right, in order to convey the feeling of power WITH, rather than power OVER her. Intimidating or annoying a girl into kissing you is pushy. She will probably feel insulted and offended. Likewise, groping her is uncool, but touching her in a way that shares an experience helps to build romantic suspense. Just be sure that you do not insist on imposing your will over hers, when it comes to physical contact. If she likes you, she will squeeze your hand back, or begin a level of touch that is comfortable for her.

Focus on making positive statements. We all want to be with people who enjoy life. Say sweet stuff when it feels right. Also, be sure to compliment her on whatever you find appealing about her appearance or the things she does. Let her feel appreciated for who she is, not based on what you think you can get from her on the physical level. Women know when a guy treats them as a sex object. As you get to know a girl, be loving and affectionate on an emotional, verbal level first.

AGAIN, PAY ATTENTION TO HER. This may seem obvious, but really pay attention to what she says, and don’t dominate the conversation. There should be plenty of give and take, which is just the way you want to be kissing later on! This is how to get a girl to kiss you. When in doubt, say less. Girls love a guy who listens to them.

So focus on the SENSUAL, rather than the SEXUAL. Don’t be afraid to tease her a bit. It’s okay to make her want you without being too manipulative about it. Don’t come on so strong with the desire for intercourse. Holding back creates stronger arousal, passion, and desire in many women.

Start slowly and build from there. Hold her hand. Put your arm around her briefly and see whether she draws closer or pulls away. Kiss her not on the mouth, then see if she kisses back. If she is from a culture where women are expected to project a shy demeanor, then please be patient with her. You want to know how to get a girl to kiss you, and understanding her background is an important part of this process.

Kissing her on the back of the hand may seem old-fashioned, yet it remains a time-tested classic. Some women like kisses on the neck, while others do not. It’s okay to ask her, in a soft yet clear voice. Again, don’t seem too eager. It’s better to be a bit too cautious or aloof while you are learning what she likes. Just be sure that she knows you are interested in what she likes! You will have plenty of chances to try out new and increasingly intimate ways of touching each other later. If you are really having a great time together, then you won’t even have time to worry about this. Getting there is truly half of the fun.

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