When you’ve been through a painful breakup you’re probably looking for a lot of answers. Some people will tell you that you need professional help and send you off to a therapist. For many people that may be a good course of action. But different people need different things and I can tell you what I would always recommend as the very first thing you should do if you want to stand any chance of getting back with your ex.
Keep your distance.
That’s right; even though your every instinct is telling you to stay close in case you miss your chance, even though the pain only seems bearable if you know you’re going to keep seeing him in the hope of reconciliation, do the other thing.
This may seem very scary and it may make you feel even lonelier but in the long-term it makes sense. Many more couples get back together if they give themselves a cooling off period than if they plunge straight into the process of talking, listening, thinking and, in the end, arguing all over again.
For yourself, this separation will give you space to breathe and to look at your life fresh. You might find that your priorities have subtly changed. For him, there’s a good chance that this sudden, total separation will shock him into realizing just what he’s lost: you.
Imagine him – like you – trying to come to terms with being single. Unless it’s what he really wants, unless he really has no feelings for you left, then it’s going to drive him a little crazy. And that’s enough to convince him that he wants you back.
But in the meantime you’ll have given yourself a new start as you rediscover all the other good things in your life, like your friends and family for a start. Whatever ultimately happens to your relationship at least you’ll walk away with something good to show.
Take a month off. It’s golden time. It might work wonders.
2012年9月30日星期日
The Body Language Of Flirting, Part 5
In the last article of this series, I let you know just how important of a role your gestures play in flirting.
In this article, I'll show you how your facial expressions play another important role in your flirting endeavors.
Now when most people think of facial expressions they usually conjure up images of Jim Carrey making a silly face, or some other comedian perhaps.
Believe it or not, the facial expressions we display take on a powerful role in what we signal to the other person. And conversely, how they see us as well!
Understand the importance here - the look on your face can be very off putting, and it will have NOTHING to do with your actual looks. If you scowl naturally, or come across as "expressionless", you can scare others away.
It's always a good idea to take time to understand yourself. Look in the mirror. Get a handle on your natural expressions, and see how those can be of advantage (or disadvantage) to you.
Here are some important expressions in which to focus upon for now, similar to the gestures I wrote about last time.
A great example of facial expression that is well known is an eyebrow raise. Someone from across a room can raise their eyebrow, very quickly, to acknowledge another person. It is like saying "Hello!" when you can't verbally.
You can try this with a stranger. It seems like it would be awkward, but actually, the idea is to create some confusion on their part. They'll be wondering who you are!
It creates an opportunity to enter into conversation, but beware. It can backfire and end things before you can even begin.
If the person you do this with finds you attractive, it generally will work, however. It will probably be evident in their facial expression.
The big issue here, and one that most men run into, is that facial expressions are the most common way that someone expresses deceit when it comes to conversation. We look at each other's faces most of the time, so it's evident that is the first place we try to hide our feelings at.
Manufactured expressions, like a social smile, or a blank expression, can hide our true feelings, but there are still some signs that give us away.
In the next part, I'll continue with facial expressions and show you not only WHY someone would give out false ones, but also HOW to use them to our advantage!
In this article, I'll show you how your facial expressions play another important role in your flirting endeavors.
Now when most people think of facial expressions they usually conjure up images of Jim Carrey making a silly face, or some other comedian perhaps.
Believe it or not, the facial expressions we display take on a powerful role in what we signal to the other person. And conversely, how they see us as well!
Understand the importance here - the look on your face can be very off putting, and it will have NOTHING to do with your actual looks. If you scowl naturally, or come across as "expressionless", you can scare others away.
It's always a good idea to take time to understand yourself. Look in the mirror. Get a handle on your natural expressions, and see how those can be of advantage (or disadvantage) to you.
Here are some important expressions in which to focus upon for now, similar to the gestures I wrote about last time.
A great example of facial expression that is well known is an eyebrow raise. Someone from across a room can raise their eyebrow, very quickly, to acknowledge another person. It is like saying "Hello!" when you can't verbally.
You can try this with a stranger. It seems like it would be awkward, but actually, the idea is to create some confusion on their part. They'll be wondering who you are!
It creates an opportunity to enter into conversation, but beware. It can backfire and end things before you can even begin.
If the person you do this with finds you attractive, it generally will work, however. It will probably be evident in their facial expression.
The big issue here, and one that most men run into, is that facial expressions are the most common way that someone expresses deceit when it comes to conversation. We look at each other's faces most of the time, so it's evident that is the first place we try to hide our feelings at.
Manufactured expressions, like a social smile, or a blank expression, can hide our true feelings, but there are still some signs that give us away.
In the next part, I'll continue with facial expressions and show you not only WHY someone would give out false ones, but also HOW to use them to our advantage!
The Art of Blissful Relationships
Blissful relationships
Here are some great tips so you can start enjoying blissful relationships. They can be used if you've been married for 50 years or if you are just in the first stages of a fresh relationship.
Firstly, it is vitally important before you can have a good relationship to love yourself. Yes, you heard right -love your self! Unless you love yourself, it's difficult for you to believe that anyone else will or for anyone to love you. You must treat yourself well and others will treat you the same.
Self-esteem is vital for any strong and happy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any weaknesses you might have, you'll feel super confident. And when you have confidence you are secure within yourself and you can just enjoy being with your partner for the happiness they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them too much for reassurance, but the stronger you are as a person, the stronger and happier your relationship will be.
Secondly, you must actually like your partner. A good relationship is between two individuals that like each other. If you honestly like each other and take pleasure in being together then love will never be too far away. It's important to tell your other half you like and love them. Kind, thoughtful words of encouragement and support will build up their trust and respect for you. Take some time out and think about the things you like about them and then give them some genuine compliments each day and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
Thirdly, make sure you spend as much quality time together as possible. The importance of your relationship can be measured by the amount of time you want to give them. If you don't spend quality time together frequently the likelihood is your relationship will fall apart, sooner rather than later.
Then, talk to each other - good communication is absolutely crucial for a good relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner what you want, who you are and why you do what you do. Improved communication is about learning to say honestly and openly exactly what you think and feel. Always, always - talk and listen.
Lastly, you must accept change, people do change over the years and it is these changes that can keep a relationship healthy. Life is always changing. Change provides great opportunities for growth. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life or it may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe. Change is part of life. The key to a good relationships is learn to change together.
Keeping up all of the above isn't easy; relationships will always need working at. I want you to remember you deserve a happy, healthy relationship. If you don't feel you are in a happy relationship - get working on the above with your partner and look forward to some happy days ahead together.
Here are some great tips so you can start enjoying blissful relationships. They can be used if you've been married for 50 years or if you are just in the first stages of a fresh relationship.
Firstly, it is vitally important before you can have a good relationship to love yourself. Yes, you heard right -love your self! Unless you love yourself, it's difficult for you to believe that anyone else will or for anyone to love you. You must treat yourself well and others will treat you the same.
Self-esteem is vital for any strong and happy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any weaknesses you might have, you'll feel super confident. And when you have confidence you are secure within yourself and you can just enjoy being with your partner for the happiness they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them too much for reassurance, but the stronger you are as a person, the stronger and happier your relationship will be.
Secondly, you must actually like your partner. A good relationship is between two individuals that like each other. If you honestly like each other and take pleasure in being together then love will never be too far away. It's important to tell your other half you like and love them. Kind, thoughtful words of encouragement and support will build up their trust and respect for you. Take some time out and think about the things you like about them and then give them some genuine compliments each day and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
Thirdly, make sure you spend as much quality time together as possible. The importance of your relationship can be measured by the amount of time you want to give them. If you don't spend quality time together frequently the likelihood is your relationship will fall apart, sooner rather than later.
Then, talk to each other - good communication is absolutely crucial for a good relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner what you want, who you are and why you do what you do. Improved communication is about learning to say honestly and openly exactly what you think and feel. Always, always - talk and listen.
Lastly, you must accept change, people do change over the years and it is these changes that can keep a relationship healthy. Life is always changing. Change provides great opportunities for growth. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life or it may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe. Change is part of life. The key to a good relationships is learn to change together.
Keeping up all of the above isn't easy; relationships will always need working at. I want you to remember you deserve a happy, healthy relationship. If you don't feel you are in a happy relationship - get working on the above with your partner and look forward to some happy days ahead together.
How To Successfully Pick Up Women In A Night Club
Let me just be clear - night clubs are NOT my favorite place to meet women.
The reason for this is that in night clubs, the odds are stacked AGAINST you. I am actually of the opinion that night clubs are best used for dates WITH girls, as opposed to going to meet girls in.
Now, with that disclaimer, I realize a lot of men like to go out to night clubs because they are fun, and there are a LOT of women there to choose from.
So if you know how to overcome the obstacles that night clubs present, they can actually be great places to pick up women in.
To pick up girls in the club, you need to follow a few simple steps:
1. Understand that night clubs are all about STIMULUS.
Attracting attention to yourself in a night club is a great way to get noticed by girls. Try and dress above average. Wear clothes that are different and fashionable. Women love guys who dress nice, and if your clothes can attract attention to you, it'll make your job of meeting women easier.
2. Attitude is EVERYTHING.
Anything you can do to draw attention to yourself in a non-verbal way will be to your advantage in a club. Remember, you're dealing with a place that's loud and poorly lit, so having a confident attitude with the right body language is ESSENTIAL, because that's primarilly how you can communicate in a situation like that.
Walk with a swagger. Make strong eye contact. Be flirty - smile, wink, and nod. Having an outgoing attitude will help you to attract attention.
3. Use actions, not words.
It's insane to try and hold a conversation in a loud club. Use actions to control the situation. Keep your introduction short. From there, you have some choices. You can take her by the hand and lead her to the smoking patio on the outside of the club. Or you can hit the dance floor.
Either way, don't try to sweet talk her if she can't hear you! Instead, display confidence with your actions.
4. Don't spend too much time with any one girl.
Latching onto one girl in the club is a bad idea! You might find a girl you like and want to hang around with her, but you'll actually get more mileage by flitting around the club and meeting as much women as possible.
Remember - clubs are about stimulus! Trying to do any one thing for too long will work against you. If you hang out with a girl too much in the club, she's going to get tired of you because you're now competing with all the other stimulus.
Make the rounds - dance and talk to lots of girls, and come back to the girl you like. Don't worry, she's not going anywhere. Just remember these magic words when you do this: "I'll be right back!"
5. Know How To Dance!
I've stated that non-verbal communication is essential in a good nightclub pickup. And you can't get more nonverbal than dancing!
Being a good dancer is a great way to attract attention. Girls love to dance, and if you can master the dance floor, you WILL impress them! Understand, many women equate how good a man dances with how good he is in the bedroom. (Strange, but true.)
Take a few lessons so you can really strut your stuff on the dance floor, because in a club, that's where the real magic happens. Remember, if you can get a girl to dance with you, you can get her to make out with you!
The key, overall, lies in nonverbal skills. Learn those skills, and you'll have major success in night clubs!
The reason for this is that in night clubs, the odds are stacked AGAINST you. I am actually of the opinion that night clubs are best used for dates WITH girls, as opposed to going to meet girls in.
Now, with that disclaimer, I realize a lot of men like to go out to night clubs because they are fun, and there are a LOT of women there to choose from.
So if you know how to overcome the obstacles that night clubs present, they can actually be great places to pick up women in.
To pick up girls in the club, you need to follow a few simple steps:
1. Understand that night clubs are all about STIMULUS.
Attracting attention to yourself in a night club is a great way to get noticed by girls. Try and dress above average. Wear clothes that are different and fashionable. Women love guys who dress nice, and if your clothes can attract attention to you, it'll make your job of meeting women easier.
2. Attitude is EVERYTHING.
Anything you can do to draw attention to yourself in a non-verbal way will be to your advantage in a club. Remember, you're dealing with a place that's loud and poorly lit, so having a confident attitude with the right body language is ESSENTIAL, because that's primarilly how you can communicate in a situation like that.
Walk with a swagger. Make strong eye contact. Be flirty - smile, wink, and nod. Having an outgoing attitude will help you to attract attention.
3. Use actions, not words.
It's insane to try and hold a conversation in a loud club. Use actions to control the situation. Keep your introduction short. From there, you have some choices. You can take her by the hand and lead her to the smoking patio on the outside of the club. Or you can hit the dance floor.
Either way, don't try to sweet talk her if she can't hear you! Instead, display confidence with your actions.
4. Don't spend too much time with any one girl.
Latching onto one girl in the club is a bad idea! You might find a girl you like and want to hang around with her, but you'll actually get more mileage by flitting around the club and meeting as much women as possible.
Remember - clubs are about stimulus! Trying to do any one thing for too long will work against you. If you hang out with a girl too much in the club, she's going to get tired of you because you're now competing with all the other stimulus.
Make the rounds - dance and talk to lots of girls, and come back to the girl you like. Don't worry, she's not going anywhere. Just remember these magic words when you do this: "I'll be right back!"
5. Know How To Dance!
I've stated that non-verbal communication is essential in a good nightclub pickup. And you can't get more nonverbal than dancing!
Being a good dancer is a great way to attract attention. Girls love to dance, and if you can master the dance floor, you WILL impress them! Understand, many women equate how good a man dances with how good he is in the bedroom. (Strange, but true.)
Take a few lessons so you can really strut your stuff on the dance floor, because in a club, that's where the real magic happens. Remember, if you can get a girl to dance with you, you can get her to make out with you!
The key, overall, lies in nonverbal skills. Learn those skills, and you'll have major success in night clubs!
2012年9月29日星期六
Relationship Advice for Women: Be Careful of Comparing Your Mate to Others
When women begin to question a relationship, it changes the way we look at everything. We focus on the little or not so little things about our spouse that we find mildly irritating or downright maddening. And for good or bad we will make comparisons.
Over the life of a marriage we will inevitably find ourselves spending time with other men to whom we are attracted. Each day we are exposed to a variety of people; at work, at the playground, the grocery store, business trips, airports, etc. There will inevitably be people of the opposite sex that we find attractive around us. As our society continues to break down gender-based barriers to men and women’s freedom to choose how they live and work, we will increasingly find ourselves in such situations.
Now finding another person attractive shouldn’t be a problem. There will no doubt be any number of men we are attracted to that we interact with. It becomes a problem, however, when it leads us to question our current relationship, or when we decide to act on our new attraction.
If we compare how our spouse looks at 6 a.m. with how our co-worker looks at 10 a.m.
If we compare the conversation we had with an attractive classmate about the interesting subject were studying, with the conversation with our spouse after four hours of wrestling the kids to bed, doing the dishes, folding laundry, and picking up the family room.
If we compare two hours of sitting in the sun with another parent watching soccer practice with two hours sitting around the kitchen table with our spouse, paying the bills and balancing the checkbook.
If we compare the 21 year old who spends an two hours a day at the gym with the 40 year old who is out of shape but works two jobs to pay the bills.
These comparisons are not particularly fair to our mate, but we do it anyway. And the longer we’ve been married, the more we do these comparisons.
There are very good reasons to take a long, hard look at a marriage or relationship. It is healthy to do so. But we should not gloss over things about our relationship that we might want to change.
Comparing the mate with whom we’ve spent years with to someone else we might only see a few hours a week, doesn’t really tell us all that much. Most of the time, that attractive neighbor, co-worker, classmate, or whoever will bring just as much irritations or problems to a relationship as our current partner.
What we need to do is use our comparison-based critique to consider what we could make better about our marriage.
Maybe we need to get all dressed up and go out on the town now and then.
Maybe we need to talk about more than just the day-to-day household management.
Maybe we need to balance the checkbook some other time and spend that end-of-the-day time cuddling on the couch.
Maybe we need to head down to the gym together.
When our attraction goes from comparison to action, we are in even more trouble. Trying an extramarital affair, we will be unable to view either clearly. Love, especially new love, is really blind. We will not see the many faults in our new partner, that are inevitably there. Remember the old saying, the grass isn’t always greener.
Don’t worry all that much when you find yourself attracted to a person you’re not in a relationship with. Instead try falling back in love with your spouse before you fall in love with someone else.
If you want to learn proven methods to increase the happiness and satisfaction with your mate, I recommend reading Bob Grant’s new e-book; What Husband Can’t Resist
Over the life of a marriage we will inevitably find ourselves spending time with other men to whom we are attracted. Each day we are exposed to a variety of people; at work, at the playground, the grocery store, business trips, airports, etc. There will inevitably be people of the opposite sex that we find attractive around us. As our society continues to break down gender-based barriers to men and women’s freedom to choose how they live and work, we will increasingly find ourselves in such situations.
Now finding another person attractive shouldn’t be a problem. There will no doubt be any number of men we are attracted to that we interact with. It becomes a problem, however, when it leads us to question our current relationship, or when we decide to act on our new attraction.
If we compare how our spouse looks at 6 a.m. with how our co-worker looks at 10 a.m.
If we compare the conversation we had with an attractive classmate about the interesting subject were studying, with the conversation with our spouse after four hours of wrestling the kids to bed, doing the dishes, folding laundry, and picking up the family room.
If we compare two hours of sitting in the sun with another parent watching soccer practice with two hours sitting around the kitchen table with our spouse, paying the bills and balancing the checkbook.
If we compare the 21 year old who spends an two hours a day at the gym with the 40 year old who is out of shape but works two jobs to pay the bills.
These comparisons are not particularly fair to our mate, but we do it anyway. And the longer we’ve been married, the more we do these comparisons.
There are very good reasons to take a long, hard look at a marriage or relationship. It is healthy to do so. But we should not gloss over things about our relationship that we might want to change.
Comparing the mate with whom we’ve spent years with to someone else we might only see a few hours a week, doesn’t really tell us all that much. Most of the time, that attractive neighbor, co-worker, classmate, or whoever will bring just as much irritations or problems to a relationship as our current partner.
What we need to do is use our comparison-based critique to consider what we could make better about our marriage.
Maybe we need to get all dressed up and go out on the town now and then.
Maybe we need to talk about more than just the day-to-day household management.
Maybe we need to balance the checkbook some other time and spend that end-of-the-day time cuddling on the couch.
Maybe we need to head down to the gym together.
When our attraction goes from comparison to action, we are in even more trouble. Trying an extramarital affair, we will be unable to view either clearly. Love, especially new love, is really blind. We will not see the many faults in our new partner, that are inevitably there. Remember the old saying, the grass isn’t always greener.
Don’t worry all that much when you find yourself attracted to a person you’re not in a relationship with. Instead try falling back in love with your spouse before you fall in love with someone else.
If you want to learn proven methods to increase the happiness and satisfaction with your mate, I recommend reading Bob Grant’s new e-book; What Husband Can’t Resist
Dirty Talking To Your Guy – A Guide to Making It Better
If you are serious about dirty talking to your guy, you might need to brush up on your skills a bit. If you want to get it hot and happening, it is important to get it right in the first place.
A lot depends on the tone of your voice and your body language. What you say has to be enhanced by what your body is silently saying and vice versa.
Take note of these pointers that will guide you to get better at dirty talking.
Use a special voice
When you dirty talk, you are departing from a normal conversation. So your normal voice will just not do.
Just like your body does special things when you make love to excite your partner, your voice also has to follow suit. Put on a special voice.
The lower it sounds the better. In fact, whispering when you dirty talk can be the sexiest way to do it. Get your voice into a lusty, sexy purr!
Try doing it solo
Dirty talking on your own, in front of a mirror perhaps, is a great way to practice. You will be able to pay attention to the impact your actions and words have and how to get the two in sync.
Touching yourself at the same time that you are dirty talking to yourself will make it far more exciting and if you can actually let him watch you when it happens, it will just blow his mind away! Wild horses will not be able to restrain him from joining you once you get him going!
Expose your inner self!
That means exposing your thoughts. Getting to hear what is actually happening inside your head, as well as realizing what your body is feeling, in no uncertain terms, is intensely exciting for your man.
Tell him exactly how it feels when he does something you love. You will find that not only will he understand you needs better, so will you, when you pay more attention to what you are feeling.
Pull him into your fantasy
If you have a fantasy you would like to share with him, do so. Pull him into it and make him part of it. It will be a powerful turn on to him to realize that you want him to enter such a private realm
The way you say it matters!
Every thing depends on the way you use your words. Think about what excites you. Watch him when you dirty talk. You will be able to soon figure out what type of words and phrases affect him the most. With a little practice, you will soon be turning out climax inducing talk without even thinking about it.
Be as graphic as you can
It is the graphic nature of dirty talk that makes it so exciting. So describe body parts, actions, feelings and sensations in great detail.
Use the raunchiest words you know. Get the sexiest adjectives in your lexicon flowing out of your mouth.
Involve all the senses
When you dirty talk, the talk should accentuate your other senses and concentrate what you are feeling.
Dirty talk about sexual touch, smells and sounds; describe how he is touching you; how his smell turns you on; how his voice excites you… It will turn into a memorable mingling of the senses.
Whether you are dirty talking to your husband, your boyfriend, or a complete stranger, you can turn it into a naughty and enthralling experience with very little effort.
A lot depends on the tone of your voice and your body language. What you say has to be enhanced by what your body is silently saying and vice versa.
Take note of these pointers that will guide you to get better at dirty talking.
Use a special voice
When you dirty talk, you are departing from a normal conversation. So your normal voice will just not do.
Just like your body does special things when you make love to excite your partner, your voice also has to follow suit. Put on a special voice.
The lower it sounds the better. In fact, whispering when you dirty talk can be the sexiest way to do it. Get your voice into a lusty, sexy purr!
Try doing it solo
Dirty talking on your own, in front of a mirror perhaps, is a great way to practice. You will be able to pay attention to the impact your actions and words have and how to get the two in sync.
Touching yourself at the same time that you are dirty talking to yourself will make it far more exciting and if you can actually let him watch you when it happens, it will just blow his mind away! Wild horses will not be able to restrain him from joining you once you get him going!
Expose your inner self!
That means exposing your thoughts. Getting to hear what is actually happening inside your head, as well as realizing what your body is feeling, in no uncertain terms, is intensely exciting for your man.
Tell him exactly how it feels when he does something you love. You will find that not only will he understand you needs better, so will you, when you pay more attention to what you are feeling.
Pull him into your fantasy
If you have a fantasy you would like to share with him, do so. Pull him into it and make him part of it. It will be a powerful turn on to him to realize that you want him to enter such a private realm
The way you say it matters!
Every thing depends on the way you use your words. Think about what excites you. Watch him when you dirty talk. You will be able to soon figure out what type of words and phrases affect him the most. With a little practice, you will soon be turning out climax inducing talk without even thinking about it.
Be as graphic as you can
It is the graphic nature of dirty talk that makes it so exciting. So describe body parts, actions, feelings and sensations in great detail.
Use the raunchiest words you know. Get the sexiest adjectives in your lexicon flowing out of your mouth.
Involve all the senses
When you dirty talk, the talk should accentuate your other senses and concentrate what you are feeling.
Dirty talk about sexual touch, smells and sounds; describe how he is touching you; how his smell turns you on; how his voice excites you… It will turn into a memorable mingling of the senses.
Whether you are dirty talking to your husband, your boyfriend, or a complete stranger, you can turn it into a naughty and enthralling experience with very little effort.
The Secret Reason Why Men Leave
Breakups can be hell for both sides, whatever the circumstances and however it finally happened. At a time like this you have so many raging emotions competing for your attention that it can seem like a good idea to get professional help in rationalizing your feelings.
Well it may surprise you to hear that men often feel the same way. That’s the reason why a lot of men, after a breakup, will feel compelled to consult a therapist, in an effort to get their lives back on track.
The fortunate result of this trend is that we now have access to some very interesting findings. Therapists can confidently assert that there is one overwhelmingly common reason for men to walk out of a relationship.
It’s not because you cheated, that he got bored or met someone else. It’s much simpler and much easier to put right. The majority of men put it like this:
“I just couldn't make her happy, no matter what I did.”
I bet it’s not what you expected. But it’s true. Because something that is very important to most men is the self-validation they get from seeing that they’re able to make their loved one happy. Without that, their feeling of self-worth suffers a damaging blow. Yes, he genuinely cares about your happiness in its own right, but also because of how good it makes him feel.
Money, possessions, status… they may all have their place. But feeling like a man who can nurture and be relied upon has a special significance. Which means if you want him back in your life, you’ve got to give him what he needs… by showing him how much he gives to you.
Well it may surprise you to hear that men often feel the same way. That’s the reason why a lot of men, after a breakup, will feel compelled to consult a therapist, in an effort to get their lives back on track.
The fortunate result of this trend is that we now have access to some very interesting findings. Therapists can confidently assert that there is one overwhelmingly common reason for men to walk out of a relationship.
It’s not because you cheated, that he got bored or met someone else. It’s much simpler and much easier to put right. The majority of men put it like this:
“I just couldn't make her happy, no matter what I did.”
I bet it’s not what you expected. But it’s true. Because something that is very important to most men is the self-validation they get from seeing that they’re able to make their loved one happy. Without that, their feeling of self-worth suffers a damaging blow. Yes, he genuinely cares about your happiness in its own right, but also because of how good it makes him feel.
Money, possessions, status… they may all have their place. But feeling like a man who can nurture and be relied upon has a special significance. Which means if you want him back in your life, you’ve got to give him what he needs… by showing him how much he gives to you.
How to Seduce a Woman Utilizing 'Deflection Theory’
There’s something that often happens when you’re out playing the ‘seduction game’ – that is, when you’re actively looking out for girls you think you’d like to hook-up with. Many men have experienced it, and many thousands of men still do experience it when they themselves are out playing the game. It usually goes something like this: you’re in a group, talking to a couple of girls. You’re with a friend or two, perhaps having drinks in a bar or at a party. You’ve got your eye on one girl in the group in particular and want to make something happen, make a bit of a connection. Thing is, she’s proving the hardest to connect to – sure, she smiles and talks to you nicely and politely, but she’s not returning your flirtatious gestures and comments much, if at all. It’s like she’s playing hard to get or something, whereas her female friends seem to be much more playful and flirty.
This doesn’t happen because you aren’t her type or just because sometimes these things happen (or don’t) – there’s a different, special reason the girl you’re interested in doesn’t appear to be interested in you and it’s got a lot to do with psychology and social standing. You see, when you show you’re interested in a good-looking girl who’s with her friends, you inadvertently bump up her ego and feeling of self-worth. She knows you’ve chosen and are most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to YOU, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (probably the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.
However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using DEFLECTION THEORY. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention AWAY from her and ONTO one or more of her friends. When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, the girl you’re really interested in will subconsciously invest much MORE interest in you by flirting and being playful. As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have – and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place. Here’s how to deflect your attention onto one of her friends to make her (the girl you want) feel as if her ego has been challenged and thus make her feel an instant and undeniable desire to get your attention and “win” you back.
1. Use strong eye contact when talking to all of the girls. However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your friend/friends if you’re with any) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target. This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.
2. Casually make physical contact with her friends more than her. For example, touch them on the side of their arm to get their attention or when laughing and joking.
3. When sitting down or standing around talking as a group, face slightly more (as in, the direction of your body/torso) in the direction of one of her friends more than her.
Using deflection theory to challenge a girl you’re interested in’s ego and therefore make her want you more is just one psychological technique you can use to boost your pick-up game. Combine it with others and you maximize your success with the opposite sex in ways most men have and never will experience. You can be the guy that gets the girl!
More information from expert Tiffany Taylor about the science of attraction can be found at:
http://www.dating.pcti-system.com
This doesn’t happen because you aren’t her type or just because sometimes these things happen (or don’t) – there’s a different, special reason the girl you’re interested in doesn’t appear to be interested in you and it’s got a lot to do with psychology and social standing. You see, when you show you’re interested in a good-looking girl who’s with her friends, you inadvertently bump up her ego and feeling of self-worth. She knows you’ve chosen and are most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to YOU, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (probably the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.
However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using DEFLECTION THEORY. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention AWAY from her and ONTO one or more of her friends. When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, the girl you’re really interested in will subconsciously invest much MORE interest in you by flirting and being playful. As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have – and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place. Here’s how to deflect your attention onto one of her friends to make her (the girl you want) feel as if her ego has been challenged and thus make her feel an instant and undeniable desire to get your attention and “win” you back.
1. Use strong eye contact when talking to all of the girls. However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your friend/friends if you’re with any) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target. This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.
2. Casually make physical contact with her friends more than her. For example, touch them on the side of their arm to get their attention or when laughing and joking.
3. When sitting down or standing around talking as a group, face slightly more (as in, the direction of your body/torso) in the direction of one of her friends more than her.
Using deflection theory to challenge a girl you’re interested in’s ego and therefore make her want you more is just one psychological technique you can use to boost your pick-up game. Combine it with others and you maximize your success with the opposite sex in ways most men have and never will experience. You can be the guy that gets the girl!
More information from expert Tiffany Taylor about the science of attraction can be found at:
http://www.dating.pcti-system.com
2012年9月28日星期五
Smart Tips to Cope with a Break Up
The end of your relationship can be so devastating. You feel that the tears and heartache will never stop and the world can seem like a sad, lonely old place.
Here are five tips, which include some practical exercises to help you cope with a relationship break-up. These ways will allow you to come out the other side, not just feeling stronger and more able to cope but looking forward to mapping yourself out a bright and happy future!
Don't stay trapped - you can choose to take the path to a new, brighter and better life today!
Before we start there are no "rules" for how much time it takes to get over a relationship but if it feels to you like prolonged period of time, or if there seems to be no progress in the healing it's a good idea to seek help from a therapist.
Tip ONE - Start to adjust from being in a relationship to being on your own
Allow yourself to feel sad about your break-up. This means letting the tears flow, acknowledging the feelings of loss and spending some time alone. If you don't listen to your feelings and go with them or if distract yourself, the feelings remain there for so much longer. The best thing to do is cry about it, write about it or talk about it with a close friend who will listen.
After giving yourself a period of time to go through these feelings, make a commitment to yourself to start re-building your life. If you feel like you have lost your friends along with the breakup, make an effort to meet some new people. Join a networking group, take a class, get involved in community activities or volunteering.
Tip TWO - Learn from your experience
Even in the midst of all the tears, sadness and stress of a breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.
Ask yourself this question "What you have learned from your past relationship? " Really stop and think about this for as long as you like. This is such an important phase as the answers you come up with can begin to make you feel better about your situation and yourself. The answers can also help you with creating a list of what you want for your future. This helps move your mind from the past to the present and the future. The only part of your life you control is what you think and do in the present, and what decisions you make for your future.
Tip THREE - Exercise healthy avoidance.
At all costs avoid seeing or communicating with your former partner in anyway! Avoid overindulgence in the use of alcohol, food, and medications. It might feel like you are lessening the emotional pain, but really you are setting yourself up to allow your sadness to continue for a longer time. Communicating to him or her to ease the pain is only leaving you to start over and over again.
Don't avoid any feelings you have. Keep a diary - it helps to write down your feelings. If this isnt your thing talk to a trusted friend. Don't avoid what can really help, such as exercise, talking to your friends and reading.
Tip FOUR - Feel good... Start Smiling!
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug. Next time you are feeling down, put on a huge big cheesy smile onto your face.
Another feel good exercise is to take time out to brainstorm a list of all the things that make you happy. Start today and build this to a list of 100 things. List events, things, people, experiences that make you feel happy - the big things like holidays to the small every day things that we sometimes take for granted. This exercise can be the groundwork for a happier future.
You were happy before, you are getting there again!
Tip FIVE: Get back to being YOU
When life starts returning to normal you'll discover that you can begin to focus again and get excited about your future. You are now in a place where you have your individuality back, and you will be ready to start dating and get involved in a brand new relationship or you may have another direction, for example working on your vocation. When you get to this point, you're well on your way in your development of complete healing.
Lastly, remind yourself that you survived before and you can do it whenever it is needed in the future!
Life Coaching helps further your personal development and provides you with the tools and exercises that you can use to improve your life.
Here are five tips, which include some practical exercises to help you cope with a relationship break-up. These ways will allow you to come out the other side, not just feeling stronger and more able to cope but looking forward to mapping yourself out a bright and happy future!
Don't stay trapped - you can choose to take the path to a new, brighter and better life today!
Before we start there are no "rules" for how much time it takes to get over a relationship but if it feels to you like prolonged period of time, or if there seems to be no progress in the healing it's a good idea to seek help from a therapist.
Tip ONE - Start to adjust from being in a relationship to being on your own
Allow yourself to feel sad about your break-up. This means letting the tears flow, acknowledging the feelings of loss and spending some time alone. If you don't listen to your feelings and go with them or if distract yourself, the feelings remain there for so much longer. The best thing to do is cry about it, write about it or talk about it with a close friend who will listen.
After giving yourself a period of time to go through these feelings, make a commitment to yourself to start re-building your life. If you feel like you have lost your friends along with the breakup, make an effort to meet some new people. Join a networking group, take a class, get involved in community activities or volunteering.
Tip TWO - Learn from your experience
Even in the midst of all the tears, sadness and stress of a breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.
Ask yourself this question "What you have learned from your past relationship? " Really stop and think about this for as long as you like. This is such an important phase as the answers you come up with can begin to make you feel better about your situation and yourself. The answers can also help you with creating a list of what you want for your future. This helps move your mind from the past to the present and the future. The only part of your life you control is what you think and do in the present, and what decisions you make for your future.
Tip THREE - Exercise healthy avoidance.
At all costs avoid seeing or communicating with your former partner in anyway! Avoid overindulgence in the use of alcohol, food, and medications. It might feel like you are lessening the emotional pain, but really you are setting yourself up to allow your sadness to continue for a longer time. Communicating to him or her to ease the pain is only leaving you to start over and over again.
Don't avoid any feelings you have. Keep a diary - it helps to write down your feelings. If this isnt your thing talk to a trusted friend. Don't avoid what can really help, such as exercise, talking to your friends and reading.
Tip FOUR - Feel good... Start Smiling!
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug. Next time you are feeling down, put on a huge big cheesy smile onto your face.
Another feel good exercise is to take time out to brainstorm a list of all the things that make you happy. Start today and build this to a list of 100 things. List events, things, people, experiences that make you feel happy - the big things like holidays to the small every day things that we sometimes take for granted. This exercise can be the groundwork for a happier future.
You were happy before, you are getting there again!
Tip FIVE: Get back to being YOU
When life starts returning to normal you'll discover that you can begin to focus again and get excited about your future. You are now in a place where you have your individuality back, and you will be ready to start dating and get involved in a brand new relationship or you may have another direction, for example working on your vocation. When you get to this point, you're well on your way in your development of complete healing.
Lastly, remind yourself that you survived before and you can do it whenever it is needed in the future!
Life Coaching helps further your personal development and provides you with the tools and exercises that you can use to improve your life.
Dating Advice Tip: Put Me Back in Coach
For some people it isn't even a question. No matter the reason they're relationship ended getting back into the dating game is not an issue. For others? Not so much.
It can be like learning how to ride a bike all over again when it comes to returning to the dating scene. A number of people don't bother to try.
To each their own. But if you are thinking about getting back into the dating game then you may want to keep a few things in mind.
1. Out with the Old
There are going to be emotions and thoughts there from your previous relationship; good and bad. Accept it try to learn from what happened and then move on. Don't get caught up in overanalyzing. No one is perfect and if you dwell on everything you did wrong or everything you should have done than not only is it a waste of time but you could be setting yourself up for failure if you decide to date now or in the future.
You may also want to think about some house cleaning. If you feel strongly about certain mementos then keep them. But try to stay away from having them in places that keep reminding you daily of that relationship. Stay focused on the fact that you are trying to meet someone new.
This is also a good time to see if there are certain habits that were familiar to your previous relationship can be altered or purged all together. You can always hold off on certain areas if the attachment is too strong but it is in your best interest to at least start the process.
2. Self Worth
There is only one you. You have gifts and talents to offer that no other person has. That basic truth sometimes gets overshadowed in relationships; particularly one of any duration or when one personality is the more dominant of the two.
If you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that everyday so be it. The dating scene can seem intimidating when you are already involved in it. After being on the sidelines for awhile intimidation can easily turn into fear.
That is why reaffirming your worth is a vital part of getting back in the game. It shows you have confidence and believe that what you bring to the table is just as good as anyone else. It can also prevent you from believing that the success of the dating relationship falls squarely on your shoulders.
3. Online Dating
There has never been anything like it. You may have seen it featured on one of the cable shows or come across one of the many sites in your internet travels.
In 2008 online dating generated nine hundred and fifty seven million dollars in revenue. Places like Singles.net, Match.com and Yahoo Personals are doing record business while changing the dating landscape like nothing before.
So if you are apprehensive about going to the local watering hole (or finding a new one), blind dates and the thought of being fixed up with someone by your friends and relatives than online dating may be the place to start.
>From the privacy of your computer you can meet an almost unlimited pool of potential dating partners targeted to your interest and taste. You can also build friendships or make business connections while becoming a member of an online community.
If you have been out of the game for a while then you are just in time. Since relationships are an ongoing education, you may have also gotten a little wiser. That’s one of the reasons why this is an exciting time to be back in the dating scene. The opportunities to meet someone special have grown by leaps and bounds and there's no reason you cannot take full advantage of it.
It can be like learning how to ride a bike all over again when it comes to returning to the dating scene. A number of people don't bother to try.
To each their own. But if you are thinking about getting back into the dating game then you may want to keep a few things in mind.
1. Out with the Old
There are going to be emotions and thoughts there from your previous relationship; good and bad. Accept it try to learn from what happened and then move on. Don't get caught up in overanalyzing. No one is perfect and if you dwell on everything you did wrong or everything you should have done than not only is it a waste of time but you could be setting yourself up for failure if you decide to date now or in the future.
You may also want to think about some house cleaning. If you feel strongly about certain mementos then keep them. But try to stay away from having them in places that keep reminding you daily of that relationship. Stay focused on the fact that you are trying to meet someone new.
This is also a good time to see if there are certain habits that were familiar to your previous relationship can be altered or purged all together. You can always hold off on certain areas if the attachment is too strong but it is in your best interest to at least start the process.
2. Self Worth
There is only one you. You have gifts and talents to offer that no other person has. That basic truth sometimes gets overshadowed in relationships; particularly one of any duration or when one personality is the more dominant of the two.
If you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that everyday so be it. The dating scene can seem intimidating when you are already involved in it. After being on the sidelines for awhile intimidation can easily turn into fear.
That is why reaffirming your worth is a vital part of getting back in the game. It shows you have confidence and believe that what you bring to the table is just as good as anyone else. It can also prevent you from believing that the success of the dating relationship falls squarely on your shoulders.
3. Online Dating
There has never been anything like it. You may have seen it featured on one of the cable shows or come across one of the many sites in your internet travels.
In 2008 online dating generated nine hundred and fifty seven million dollars in revenue. Places like Singles.net, Match.com and Yahoo Personals are doing record business while changing the dating landscape like nothing before.
So if you are apprehensive about going to the local watering hole (or finding a new one), blind dates and the thought of being fixed up with someone by your friends and relatives than online dating may be the place to start.
>From the privacy of your computer you can meet an almost unlimited pool of potential dating partners targeted to your interest and taste. You can also build friendships or make business connections while becoming a member of an online community.
If you have been out of the game for a while then you are just in time. Since relationships are an ongoing education, you may have also gotten a little wiser. That’s one of the reasons why this is an exciting time to be back in the dating scene. The opportunities to meet someone special have grown by leaps and bounds and there's no reason you cannot take full advantage of it.
Finding a Soul Mate
We've all seen the movies – the heroine and the hero have fought like wildcats in the first act, and by the close of the movie, it's clear that they are a Destined Pair, one another's true soul mate. Cinema and potboiler romance novels have been built off of this conceit ever since the Bronte sisters. And yet, somehow, reality mostly seems to fall short of this. People search for relationships with the highest of expectations and the greatest of hopes, only to have them dashed on the shoals of breakups, reality and incompatibility, leading many to ask – is there a soul mate for me?
Surprisingly enough, the answer is yes. Soul mates are people whose beliefs and personalities mesh complementary to your own. They're two halves that make a greater whole, and two people who spend a lifetime journey with each other. It happens a bit more commonly than most people think it does, and happens when people tend to not be 'actively searching' for their soul mate.
What usually happens when a soul mate is found is that it usually starts out as a friendship, with a little bit of chemistry. Not necessarily sexual chemistry, but finding little in jokes that only the two of you find amusing, rapidly developing a shorthand code, or the ability to read the shrug of a shoulder, or the jut of a hip like a book. Soul mates thrive on communication first, and that should be the first thing you evaluate.
Listen to your subconscious on this. There's a part of your brain that works the entire time, processing pattern recognition, vocal inflection and more. If you find that your attention wanders, no matter how much you want to focus on this person, it's time to let them go back into the pool. If you find that you notice strange happenstances, and minor bits of magic around them, fortune smiling on the two of you, that could very well be your hindbrain trying to overcome your inherent skepticism on the entire prospect.
Understand that finding a soul mate is not a rational, orderly process. There is no chemistry test, or online testing profile that can measure the soul. At best, they can be used to weed out people who you're going to be incompatible with on other levels, which means that there is a purpose to them. But they are by no means a guarantee.
For that matter, it's possible for you to meet your soul mate at the wrong time in your life, or theirs. Meant to be doesn't necessarily mean successful relationship on the first (or even fifteenth) go around on the dating and relationship carousel. Sometimes, people's souls may call, and their psychology isn't quite ready for this yet. Or their spiritual maturity doesn't match their partner's. This is why the Hollywood romance formula works; it demonstrates two people overcoming the differences that separate them to find that soul mate union that they, and everyone else desires.
Surprisingly enough, the answer is yes. Soul mates are people whose beliefs and personalities mesh complementary to your own. They're two halves that make a greater whole, and two people who spend a lifetime journey with each other. It happens a bit more commonly than most people think it does, and happens when people tend to not be 'actively searching' for their soul mate.
What usually happens when a soul mate is found is that it usually starts out as a friendship, with a little bit of chemistry. Not necessarily sexual chemistry, but finding little in jokes that only the two of you find amusing, rapidly developing a shorthand code, or the ability to read the shrug of a shoulder, or the jut of a hip like a book. Soul mates thrive on communication first, and that should be the first thing you evaluate.
Listen to your subconscious on this. There's a part of your brain that works the entire time, processing pattern recognition, vocal inflection and more. If you find that your attention wanders, no matter how much you want to focus on this person, it's time to let them go back into the pool. If you find that you notice strange happenstances, and minor bits of magic around them, fortune smiling on the two of you, that could very well be your hindbrain trying to overcome your inherent skepticism on the entire prospect.
Understand that finding a soul mate is not a rational, orderly process. There is no chemistry test, or online testing profile that can measure the soul. At best, they can be used to weed out people who you're going to be incompatible with on other levels, which means that there is a purpose to them. But they are by no means a guarantee.
For that matter, it's possible for you to meet your soul mate at the wrong time in your life, or theirs. Meant to be doesn't necessarily mean successful relationship on the first (or even fifteenth) go around on the dating and relationship carousel. Sometimes, people's souls may call, and their psychology isn't quite ready for this yet. Or their spiritual maturity doesn't match their partner's. This is why the Hollywood romance formula works; it demonstrates two people overcoming the differences that separate them to find that soul mate union that they, and everyone else desires.
Create More Dating Disabled Opportunities for You with Disabled Dating Service Online
Internet has made it easy for everyone to find companions and romantic partners across the whole world. With an abundance of dating sites, it offers the best bet for both normal & disabled people. There are numerous dating disabled sites on the net which are concerned with disabled dating service in particular.
The disabled dating services as offered by dating disabled sites are many & varied. They may include specific services for singles & for particular kind of disabilities also. With so many varieties, it is possible that you may find the disabled dating service matching your requirements & disability type from them. Since all the disable dating sites don’t offer the same kind of service, it would be better to make a list of what you actually want to be included in your disabled dating service & start searching for the sites accordingly.
The quality of disabled dating services on offer by different disabled dating sites is found to differ from one site to another. That’s why you need to make a detailed study of the dating disabled site & its services before registering with it. You can even ask for customer feedback from people who have already hired the site & find out the extent up to which it will satisfy your disabled dating service needs before making any commitment to its services.
Some sites even offer introductory services that will guide first timers through the registration process. The more you come to know about a site & all its features, the better you can exploit it in fulfilling your disable dating service requirements.
More number of disable dating sites are presently focusing on adding exciting features like counseling services, forum, compatible partner searching, video uploading, instant messaging, disable chatting & much more to help people suffering from physical disabilities have fun while dating online with compatible partners. Counseling services are meant to give starters an idea on how to begin dating on right node & may cover medical counseling sessions under them to help patients in this purpose. Again there are forums – the open discussion panel where you can easily join & openly express your views. They will allow you to be part of such forums for as long as you want. The online articles posting facility will further add to your knowledge on disabled dating service & advantages of dating disabled.
Almost all disabled dating sites serve one purpose. They are efficient enough in helping the disabled come out of their miseries & start enjoying life in the company of a romantic partner. On becoming a member of such sites, finding for your ideal partner from hundreds & thousands of people from across the world becomes easy. It is also most likely that some normal people who share your feeling may approach you for friendship. You only need to go for disabled dating service in particular that matches your requirement to find the best partner you ever have.
The disability dating service gives you instructions in a step wise manner for registration. You can follow up these easy instructions to get into the world of disabled dating & find what it has in store for you. Be sincere & honest while interacting with people from disable community. Share your own feelings & have space for others. You will be surprised to find response from people sharing the same values as that of you.
The disabled dating services as offered by dating disabled sites are many & varied. They may include specific services for singles & for particular kind of disabilities also. With so many varieties, it is possible that you may find the disabled dating service matching your requirements & disability type from them. Since all the disable dating sites don’t offer the same kind of service, it would be better to make a list of what you actually want to be included in your disabled dating service & start searching for the sites accordingly.
The quality of disabled dating services on offer by different disabled dating sites is found to differ from one site to another. That’s why you need to make a detailed study of the dating disabled site & its services before registering with it. You can even ask for customer feedback from people who have already hired the site & find out the extent up to which it will satisfy your disabled dating service needs before making any commitment to its services.
Some sites even offer introductory services that will guide first timers through the registration process. The more you come to know about a site & all its features, the better you can exploit it in fulfilling your disable dating service requirements.
More number of disable dating sites are presently focusing on adding exciting features like counseling services, forum, compatible partner searching, video uploading, instant messaging, disable chatting & much more to help people suffering from physical disabilities have fun while dating online with compatible partners. Counseling services are meant to give starters an idea on how to begin dating on right node & may cover medical counseling sessions under them to help patients in this purpose. Again there are forums – the open discussion panel where you can easily join & openly express your views. They will allow you to be part of such forums for as long as you want. The online articles posting facility will further add to your knowledge on disabled dating service & advantages of dating disabled.
Almost all disabled dating sites serve one purpose. They are efficient enough in helping the disabled come out of their miseries & start enjoying life in the company of a romantic partner. On becoming a member of such sites, finding for your ideal partner from hundreds & thousands of people from across the world becomes easy. It is also most likely that some normal people who share your feeling may approach you for friendship. You only need to go for disabled dating service in particular that matches your requirement to find the best partner you ever have.
The disability dating service gives you instructions in a step wise manner for registration. You can follow up these easy instructions to get into the world of disabled dating & find what it has in store for you. Be sincere & honest while interacting with people from disable community. Share your own feelings & have space for others. You will be surprised to find response from people sharing the same values as that of you.
2012年9月27日星期四
Tips On Having A Great Marriage
Hope. It's what gets us out of the bed in the morning and keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. But for those going through divorce, hope can be elusive.
We’d like to share our personal tips for a successful marriage and hope that they can help you with your relationship. Here they are:
As the owners of Divorce Magazine, we want you to know that hope for a happier future after divorce is possible. One year after my (Dan’s) divorce, I launched Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com to help provide useful information to people going through a divorce and New Jersey divorce law. Then, two years later, I remarried. In 2007, we celebrated our10th wedding anniversary.
We’d like to share our personal tips for a successful marriage and hope that they can help you with your relationship. Here they are:
1. Spend time together. "Work and play together, with each other, and with your kids, no matter how busy you are," says Dan.
2. Don't be afraid to also spend time apart. "We all need our space," says Martha an experienced family lawyer New York. "When Dan and I spend time apart it doesn't mean we don't love each other." Spend time with your girl or guy friends, she suggests. "Don't hesitate to do activities or sports you love on your own, if your spouse is not into the same thing."
3. Be supportive of your spouse. "Support each other in whatever it is that interests you," advises Martha. "Make your spouse a proud mother or father, help them be successful in their career, and support their family and hobbies." (Martha and Dan, for instance, are activists for the same non profit organization -- The Hunger Project.)
4. Begin from a place of trust. "Never question your spouse's intention," stresses Dan. "They may do things that 'appear' to be wrong or hurtful, but if you start by knowing they have good intentions, the rest will take care of itself."
5. Communicate. "Tell each other what works, and what doesn't work," suggests Martha. "Don't save it all up and then blow up." And be sure to tell them regularly that you love them, she urges. "Just tell them!"
6. Appreciate life -- and one another. "Don't take each other for granted," advises Dan. "And don't take your relationship for granted, either. Learn the art of appreciation. It will do wonders for your relationship and your life."
7. Celebrate your accomplishments, individually, and as a couple. "And celebrate your children's accomplishments, too, together as a family," says Martha.
Since 1996, Divorce Magazine and DivorceMagazine.com have proudly produced the industry's only divorce magazine and Google's top-ranked divorce website. Developed to inform, educate, and support divorcing people with divorce-related articles, news, exclusive interviews, and helpful resources, the website and magazine are regionalized to serve divorcing people in their own areas. The magazine offers six local editions throughout North America, while surfers can choose any U.S. state or Canadian province to learn more about the divorce process and resources available in their area.
Dan Couvrette is the founder and CEO of Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com
Martha Chan is the V.P. Marketing of Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com
We’d like to share our personal tips for a successful marriage and hope that they can help you with your relationship. Here they are:
As the owners of Divorce Magazine, we want you to know that hope for a happier future after divorce is possible. One year after my (Dan’s) divorce, I launched Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com to help provide useful information to people going through a divorce and New Jersey divorce law. Then, two years later, I remarried. In 2007, we celebrated our10th wedding anniversary.
We’d like to share our personal tips for a successful marriage and hope that they can help you with your relationship. Here they are:
1. Spend time together. "Work and play together, with each other, and with your kids, no matter how busy you are," says Dan.
2. Don't be afraid to also spend time apart. "We all need our space," says Martha an experienced family lawyer New York. "When Dan and I spend time apart it doesn't mean we don't love each other." Spend time with your girl or guy friends, she suggests. "Don't hesitate to do activities or sports you love on your own, if your spouse is not into the same thing."
3. Be supportive of your spouse. "Support each other in whatever it is that interests you," advises Martha. "Make your spouse a proud mother or father, help them be successful in their career, and support their family and hobbies." (Martha and Dan, for instance, are activists for the same non profit organization -- The Hunger Project.)
4. Begin from a place of trust. "Never question your spouse's intention," stresses Dan. "They may do things that 'appear' to be wrong or hurtful, but if you start by knowing they have good intentions, the rest will take care of itself."
5. Communicate. "Tell each other what works, and what doesn't work," suggests Martha. "Don't save it all up and then blow up." And be sure to tell them regularly that you love them, she urges. "Just tell them!"
6. Appreciate life -- and one another. "Don't take each other for granted," advises Dan. "And don't take your relationship for granted, either. Learn the art of appreciation. It will do wonders for your relationship and your life."
7. Celebrate your accomplishments, individually, and as a couple. "And celebrate your children's accomplishments, too, together as a family," says Martha.
Since 1996, Divorce Magazine and DivorceMagazine.com have proudly produced the industry's only divorce magazine and Google's top-ranked divorce website. Developed to inform, educate, and support divorcing people with divorce-related articles, news, exclusive interviews, and helpful resources, the website and magazine are regionalized to serve divorcing people in their own areas. The magazine offers six local editions throughout North America, while surfers can choose any U.S. state or Canadian province to learn more about the divorce process and resources available in their area.
Dan Couvrette is the founder and CEO of Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com
Martha Chan is the V.P. Marketing of Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com
Simple Ways To Save Your Crumbling Relationship
Husband spends most of his time working and goes home just to eat and sleep. Wife feels that husband is taking her for granted. Wife spends her time tending to their children's need and husband feels that wife doesn't have time for his needs. It sounds like this relationship is going down the hill, right? So, here are some ways to save your crumbling relationship.
First and foremost think about the situation. If you feel that your relationship is still worth the shot because you are and will always be in love with your better half, then proceed. A relationship should not be for reasons such as convenience or staying together for the kids. Couples must stay in a relationship because they love each other. To save a relationship is like a dance where both partners have to do the work.
After realizing that your relationship needs saving, you must identify the problem in your relationship. Spend a significant amount of time as to why the problem occurred. The problem with most people is that they tend to de-value identifying and fixing the problem to be able to move on.
A spouse that is having an affair, for instance, is not committing the sin just because that person wants to. An affair can be caused by lack of intimacy or lack of communication between you and your partner. There are underlying reasons why a partner commits these marital sins. Identify the core issue and then you can save your relationship.
Once you have identified the core problem then this is the best time to sit down with your partner and talk about it. Let it all out; verbalize your feelings and listen to what your partner has to say. Touching, such as holding your partner's hand while talking or looking straight to his or hers eyes is giving him or her the feel that you would like to reconnect even though your emotions are sinking. Keep in mind that both of you are letting it all out to save what's left on your relationship and he and she is not doing it to hurt you.
Once all problems and issues have been laid out, create a plan to make your relationship work again. Stay firm on doing these steps and make sure that both of you are doing these steps. For instance, if intimacy is your problem then see to it that you can share your intimacy once a week. Try to talk to him or her about what your partner's day before going to bed when communication has become your problem.
Lastly, you two should realize that having a relationship is a non-stop process. It must be nurtured and taken care of. It will make you smile and cry at the same time. Always understand each other and talk about things that hurt you and always listen to your partner. Never end the day without discussing the problem that occur is your relationship
Now that the ways to save your relationship is there, are you up to it?
First and foremost think about the situation. If you feel that your relationship is still worth the shot because you are and will always be in love with your better half, then proceed. A relationship should not be for reasons such as convenience or staying together for the kids. Couples must stay in a relationship because they love each other. To save a relationship is like a dance where both partners have to do the work.
After realizing that your relationship needs saving, you must identify the problem in your relationship. Spend a significant amount of time as to why the problem occurred. The problem with most people is that they tend to de-value identifying and fixing the problem to be able to move on.
A spouse that is having an affair, for instance, is not committing the sin just because that person wants to. An affair can be caused by lack of intimacy or lack of communication between you and your partner. There are underlying reasons why a partner commits these marital sins. Identify the core issue and then you can save your relationship.
Once you have identified the core problem then this is the best time to sit down with your partner and talk about it. Let it all out; verbalize your feelings and listen to what your partner has to say. Touching, such as holding your partner's hand while talking or looking straight to his or hers eyes is giving him or her the feel that you would like to reconnect even though your emotions are sinking. Keep in mind that both of you are letting it all out to save what's left on your relationship and he and she is not doing it to hurt you.
Once all problems and issues have been laid out, create a plan to make your relationship work again. Stay firm on doing these steps and make sure that both of you are doing these steps. For instance, if intimacy is your problem then see to it that you can share your intimacy once a week. Try to talk to him or her about what your partner's day before going to bed when communication has become your problem.
Lastly, you two should realize that having a relationship is a non-stop process. It must be nurtured and taken care of. It will make you smile and cry at the same time. Always understand each other and talk about things that hurt you and always listen to your partner. Never end the day without discussing the problem that occur is your relationship
Now that the ways to save your relationship is there, are you up to it?
10 Ways to Greater Self-Centreness
Encouraging self-centredness... whatever next? Perhaps part of you is thinking it’s a selfish and deplorable suggestion? Though my guess is another part of you is dying to find out what I mean and why focusing on your ‘self’ is so important.
Most of us want to feel happy, content and fulfilled, and probably more so than we do currently. Exploring it further, I believe this contentment and fulfilment is about being able to be ourselves fully in all areas of our lives, and to feel solid and happy in who we are, or to put it another way - to know our centre.
As we are all unique, we have different needs and ways of being. What suits one person and makes them happy will be the opposite of someone else. So, the key is learning the ingredients in life, and the way in which these combine, which suit you.
How many of us...
..forget ourselves and spend much of our energy focused on changing others or things outside of ourselves?
..aspire to an external idea of what others say brings happiness, rather than daring to explore inside ourselves what actually brings us happiness?
..try to find our centre outside ourselves, in our partners, kids, money, career, status, achievement etc?
It is not easy in our fast pace, ever changing world to make and take the space to hear ourselves, and find our own individual way to live happily. We are caught in our social conditioning of what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘right’ and bombarded with messages and information by the media on how to live and ‘the’ way to succeed. It is easy to follow the norm and an external definition of success rather than discover and live our own version, when human nature drives us to belong and connect with others.
Yet, at some point we find ourselves in some kind of pain and searching for a way forwards; we may feel empty and be looking for someone or something to make us feel whole or loved, we may be unable to sustain the stress and become physically or mentally ill and wonder why we can’t hack it, we may find ourselves trapped in an addiction or habit to try to block out the need to change.
In our family life, and as we enter into relationships with others, we learn more about ourselves. In particular we feel the tension of being an individual in relationship and the differences between what the relationship needs and what we as an individual need. How we handle these differences is important.
How do we hold onto our sense of ourselves, and our centre, in relationships, both with people and things?
How do we recover ourselves and our centre when we lose it?
After all, it’s a natural phase in new relationships where you fall ‘in love’ whether with a partner, or a new baby, to become engrossed in the other and lose yourself in some sort of union. Many of us know that feeling early in a relationship when you’re ‘in love’, where you feel so close it’s hard to tell where you both begin and end. In this phase couples are focused on creating an ‘us’ rather than on their individual identities.
It is no surprise that mothers often talk about losing themselves. I know myself how all consuming a new baby is, and how powerful and natural the mother-baby bond, to the point that we identify with being a mother over individual needs for a while.
Some people feel so compelled by their career that they are drawn into working longer and longer hours and living more of their life through work. In this case maintaining and furthering a work identity and title dominates over their individual needs.
This is not sustainable.
The new lovers cannot live life as an ‘us’ forever, and have to find themselves again whilst exploring how to still be in the relationship. The new mother cannot physically and emotionally keep going if she fails to remember her own needs and look after herself. The careerist reaches a point where changing the balance in their life is essential to avoid adverse affects from the increasing stress.
I believe the answer to recovering and moving through these stages lies is learning about being self-centred - being yourself, with awareness and responsibility for your own needs. Mature or adult self-centredness comes from combining self-awareness with taking personal responsibility and being aware of the world around you.
Without this responsibility, it becomes a childish selfishness, where the focus is solely on the individual at the cost of relationship. Mature self-centredness does not stop you from being able to focus on and reach out to others; it increases your capacity to do so, as you have a solid foundation for relationship.
Different generations learn different things - until the 80s and Margaret Thatcher’s time ‘selfishness’ was generally judged harshly and ‘sacrifice’ rewarded in the UK. However, a shift towards rewarding more individualistic behaviour since seems to be taking things to the other extreme with a focus on self, but often without responsibility, that feels childish and selfish.
What if we discover a middle ground of mature self-centredness, where we have our own needs and can be in healthy relationships? Isn’t this what we yearn for?
I believe it is time for a new awareness and view of ‘self’ with an ability to recover this ‘centre’, so that we can be happy in ourselves as individuals and build healthy, happy relationships and families.
10 Ways for starters...
Through my coaching, dialogue, reading and personal experience I have identified many of the elements involved with becoming more self-centred, along with creating many practical and tangible ways for individuals to explore the process.
Here are 10 simple pointers to experiment with:
1) Write down what you really want in your life right now
2) Take an action towards something you’ve realised you want
3) Notice your emotions and the message behind them
4) Stop analysing a decision or problem and trust your gut instincts
5) Imagine your ideal future as if you were there
6) Notice what you excel at and how great it feels
7) Give yourself what you’re always giving others
8) Enjoy your unique perspective, where what is obvious to you is not to others
9) Be quiet and just be with yourself
10) Explore your creativity without aiming at a result
I will share more depth and context for these over time, however please contact me if you are interested in hearing more.
I want to acknowledge and thank Danusia Malina-Derben, as through our dialogue and work together we created the ‘Centring Model’ and started to articulate the importance of putting your ‘self’ at the centre. Since running our Centring Workshops together in 2004 / 2005 we have followed our individual journeys. This is my personal expression of our self-centring philosophy, which has evolved over the last few years.
Most of us want to feel happy, content and fulfilled, and probably more so than we do currently. Exploring it further, I believe this contentment and fulfilment is about being able to be ourselves fully in all areas of our lives, and to feel solid and happy in who we are, or to put it another way - to know our centre.
As we are all unique, we have different needs and ways of being. What suits one person and makes them happy will be the opposite of someone else. So, the key is learning the ingredients in life, and the way in which these combine, which suit you.
How many of us...
..forget ourselves and spend much of our energy focused on changing others or things outside of ourselves?
..aspire to an external idea of what others say brings happiness, rather than daring to explore inside ourselves what actually brings us happiness?
..try to find our centre outside ourselves, in our partners, kids, money, career, status, achievement etc?
It is not easy in our fast pace, ever changing world to make and take the space to hear ourselves, and find our own individual way to live happily. We are caught in our social conditioning of what is ‘acceptable’ or ‘right’ and bombarded with messages and information by the media on how to live and ‘the’ way to succeed. It is easy to follow the norm and an external definition of success rather than discover and live our own version, when human nature drives us to belong and connect with others.
Yet, at some point we find ourselves in some kind of pain and searching for a way forwards; we may feel empty and be looking for someone or something to make us feel whole or loved, we may be unable to sustain the stress and become physically or mentally ill and wonder why we can’t hack it, we may find ourselves trapped in an addiction or habit to try to block out the need to change.
In our family life, and as we enter into relationships with others, we learn more about ourselves. In particular we feel the tension of being an individual in relationship and the differences between what the relationship needs and what we as an individual need. How we handle these differences is important.
How do we hold onto our sense of ourselves, and our centre, in relationships, both with people and things?
How do we recover ourselves and our centre when we lose it?
After all, it’s a natural phase in new relationships where you fall ‘in love’ whether with a partner, or a new baby, to become engrossed in the other and lose yourself in some sort of union. Many of us know that feeling early in a relationship when you’re ‘in love’, where you feel so close it’s hard to tell where you both begin and end. In this phase couples are focused on creating an ‘us’ rather than on their individual identities.
It is no surprise that mothers often talk about losing themselves. I know myself how all consuming a new baby is, and how powerful and natural the mother-baby bond, to the point that we identify with being a mother over individual needs for a while.
Some people feel so compelled by their career that they are drawn into working longer and longer hours and living more of their life through work. In this case maintaining and furthering a work identity and title dominates over their individual needs.
This is not sustainable.
The new lovers cannot live life as an ‘us’ forever, and have to find themselves again whilst exploring how to still be in the relationship. The new mother cannot physically and emotionally keep going if she fails to remember her own needs and look after herself. The careerist reaches a point where changing the balance in their life is essential to avoid adverse affects from the increasing stress.
I believe the answer to recovering and moving through these stages lies is learning about being self-centred - being yourself, with awareness and responsibility for your own needs. Mature or adult self-centredness comes from combining self-awareness with taking personal responsibility and being aware of the world around you.
Without this responsibility, it becomes a childish selfishness, where the focus is solely on the individual at the cost of relationship. Mature self-centredness does not stop you from being able to focus on and reach out to others; it increases your capacity to do so, as you have a solid foundation for relationship.
Different generations learn different things - until the 80s and Margaret Thatcher’s time ‘selfishness’ was generally judged harshly and ‘sacrifice’ rewarded in the UK. However, a shift towards rewarding more individualistic behaviour since seems to be taking things to the other extreme with a focus on self, but often without responsibility, that feels childish and selfish.
What if we discover a middle ground of mature self-centredness, where we have our own needs and can be in healthy relationships? Isn’t this what we yearn for?
I believe it is time for a new awareness and view of ‘self’ with an ability to recover this ‘centre’, so that we can be happy in ourselves as individuals and build healthy, happy relationships and families.
10 Ways for starters...
Through my coaching, dialogue, reading and personal experience I have identified many of the elements involved with becoming more self-centred, along with creating many practical and tangible ways for individuals to explore the process.
Here are 10 simple pointers to experiment with:
1) Write down what you really want in your life right now
2) Take an action towards something you’ve realised you want
3) Notice your emotions and the message behind them
4) Stop analysing a decision or problem and trust your gut instincts
5) Imagine your ideal future as if you were there
6) Notice what you excel at and how great it feels
7) Give yourself what you’re always giving others
8) Enjoy your unique perspective, where what is obvious to you is not to others
9) Be quiet and just be with yourself
10) Explore your creativity without aiming at a result
I will share more depth and context for these over time, however please contact me if you are interested in hearing more.
I want to acknowledge and thank Danusia Malina-Derben, as through our dialogue and work together we created the ‘Centring Model’ and started to articulate the importance of putting your ‘self’ at the centre. Since running our Centring Workshops together in 2004 / 2005 we have followed our individual journeys. This is my personal expression of our self-centring philosophy, which has evolved over the last few years.
Talking Dirty - Figuring Out If It’s Right For You
Are you somebody who has been wondering if talking dirty is the right thing to do? You have perhaps become interested in how it could spice up things in your bedroom…
You may even be ready and rearing to go. But there is that one niggling thought stopping you: What if your partner is totally turned off by your dirty talk? How do you figure out if it is right for you?
Worried If It Will All Go Wrong?
When you whisper those hot, dirty things into his ear, will he be furiously excited into action; or will he sneer in disgust? Will he just melt at your raunchy words like chocolate in your mouth and become your willing slave?
Or will he jump up and run out the door as if they have been stung by wild bees?
You have no way of knowing until you have actually tired talking dirty at least once.
Breaking The Ice:
There are some ways to test the waters. Sneak it up on them gently, so that if you do cause offence, you can withdraw gracefully. If you are well received, well then, it could be a very pleasurable start to talking dirty!
If you are at all unsure about your partner, hold off with the very explicit and shocking words and actions till you are better able to judge their reaction.
Look Out For Clues While Talking Dirty:
Look at him when you say something erotic. Make sure your words are suggestive, but in a non aggressive way. If he looks at you with obvious interest, reaches out to touch you, or turns his attention to you in a positive way, you are on the right path.
If he ignores you or seems uncomfortable, or suddenly finds an excuse to leave the room, consider it a warning sign. He just may not be in the mood, but one little incident should not put you off for ever. Just put a pause to it and remember to take it very, very easy when you try it out the next time.
4 Great Tips To Get You Started:
#1.) Whisper something naughty to him while you are relaxing together watching TV, or a movie. If you time it with some thing romantic happening on screen, that would be even better. If he doesn’t take the bait, don’t worry. You have what’s happening on screen to distract you.
#2.) When you are reading in bed, pick a good book that has an erotic love scene in it. Make sure it’s not a cheap or very explicit passage. Then ask him to read it with you and cuddle up. Point out naughty things. If it works this far, then try reading out the lines you find most exciting. You could give the love tips sections in Cosmo or Elle a try.
#3.) If he is not comfortable with talking dirty, he will not stay to read more than a few lines. If he does draw away, stop! You will have done no harm to yourself; you were just sharing a book you were reading!
#4.) The third way is probably the safest. Send him a steamy text message or an e-mail when you’re apart. If that lights his fire, he will get back to you, pronto! If he is a little shocked and bemused, time might give him second thoughts and get his juices flowing. And if he is downright disgusted by dirty talk, you can always plead temporary insanity!
Trust Your Instincts:
Eventually, you are the one who knows best if dirty talk will please or offend your partner. Subconsciously, you would have noticed just how your partner reacts to nudity and alternate forms of sexual expression. If these are not his thing, then it is best to stay away from talking dirty. If however, you have figured out by now that it’s right up his alley, happy dirty talking!
You may even be ready and rearing to go. But there is that one niggling thought stopping you: What if your partner is totally turned off by your dirty talk? How do you figure out if it is right for you?
Worried If It Will All Go Wrong?
When you whisper those hot, dirty things into his ear, will he be furiously excited into action; or will he sneer in disgust? Will he just melt at your raunchy words like chocolate in your mouth and become your willing slave?
Or will he jump up and run out the door as if they have been stung by wild bees?
You have no way of knowing until you have actually tired talking dirty at least once.
Breaking The Ice:
There are some ways to test the waters. Sneak it up on them gently, so that if you do cause offence, you can withdraw gracefully. If you are well received, well then, it could be a very pleasurable start to talking dirty!
If you are at all unsure about your partner, hold off with the very explicit and shocking words and actions till you are better able to judge their reaction.
Look Out For Clues While Talking Dirty:
Look at him when you say something erotic. Make sure your words are suggestive, but in a non aggressive way. If he looks at you with obvious interest, reaches out to touch you, or turns his attention to you in a positive way, you are on the right path.
If he ignores you or seems uncomfortable, or suddenly finds an excuse to leave the room, consider it a warning sign. He just may not be in the mood, but one little incident should not put you off for ever. Just put a pause to it and remember to take it very, very easy when you try it out the next time.
4 Great Tips To Get You Started:
#1.) Whisper something naughty to him while you are relaxing together watching TV, or a movie. If you time it with some thing romantic happening on screen, that would be even better. If he doesn’t take the bait, don’t worry. You have what’s happening on screen to distract you.
#2.) When you are reading in bed, pick a good book that has an erotic love scene in it. Make sure it’s not a cheap or very explicit passage. Then ask him to read it with you and cuddle up. Point out naughty things. If it works this far, then try reading out the lines you find most exciting. You could give the love tips sections in Cosmo or Elle a try.
#3.) If he is not comfortable with talking dirty, he will not stay to read more than a few lines. If he does draw away, stop! You will have done no harm to yourself; you were just sharing a book you were reading!
#4.) The third way is probably the safest. Send him a steamy text message or an e-mail when you’re apart. If that lights his fire, he will get back to you, pronto! If he is a little shocked and bemused, time might give him second thoughts and get his juices flowing. And if he is downright disgusted by dirty talk, you can always plead temporary insanity!
Trust Your Instincts:
Eventually, you are the one who knows best if dirty talk will please or offend your partner. Subconsciously, you would have noticed just how your partner reacts to nudity and alternate forms of sexual expression. If these are not his thing, then it is best to stay away from talking dirty. If however, you have figured out by now that it’s right up his alley, happy dirty talking!
2012年9月26日星期三
What are Sex Toys Made Of?
What are Phthalates?
As you may have been told, phthalates are "plasticizers" used to soften PVC vinyls. If vinyls do not have any softeners, they are basically very hard PVC plastic. There are different grades of vinyls, from food grade for your plastic food storage containers or baggies (which don’t give off a smell) to economical grade that are used in some lower end athletic shoes and other products. You can tell the grade of the vinyls and quantity of plasticizers (phthalates) used by the smell. The more you smell, the lower the grade and the more phthalates used. You are probably aware of the terrible chemical smell that many of the "jelly" vibrators give off. This is basically the vinyl off-gassing the large amounts of phthalates.
Phthalate exposure has been linked to obesity, cancers, low sperm count, and fetal reproductive system effects. The adult industry is not regulated by the FDA or EPA, so there are no standards that are currently followed. These government agencies do regulate children’s toys and they no longer allow phthalates in children’s toys or pacifiers.
Silicone:
Silicone is a skin friendly and non-toxic sex toy material. 100% Silicone contains no polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and is phthalate free. Silicone is also nonporous, so germs have nowhere to hide and can be completely sterilized. It is important to note that products labeled "silicone" are not necessarily 100% silicone and are often silicone composites. When shopping for a non toxic silicone toy, make sure the packaging says 100% silicone instead of just "silicone."
Skin-Safe Elastomers:
Simplified, elastomers are latex-free and phthalates free. Latex and phthalates are often the culprits for people who have sensitivities to various toys. Elastomers are a completely different material. They start out soft and have product added to make them harder. This product is then removed by high vacuum so there are no residual hardeners. No solvents are used in this process and there is no latex. This type of material is ideal for manufacturing a variety of textures.
Glass
Glass Wands are healthy and environmentally friendly From an environmental perspective, there is no better sex toy material than glass. Glass is made by the same ocean from which we evolved. It is all natural, chemical free, and biologically inert. Inevitably, nature's technology has been cultivated by man, which allows glass to be shaped and molded into an array of artistic and functional items. Even dildos! For your health, glass wands are great. Unlike plastics, glass wands are non-porous and can be completely cleaned and sterilized after use. The rigidity of glass makes them essential for effecting g-spotting. They can be warmed up, cooled down, and even thrown in the dishwasher. Aesthetically, artisan blown glass is stunningly beautiful! Every glass wand is one of a kind, which allows you to choose a unique piece that is right for you and your body.
Cyberskin & Other Realistic Materials:
Realistic materials, including Cyberskin, are intended to mimic the feel of skin. Sex toys made from realistic materials such as Cyberskin, Softskin, NewSkin, Ultraskin and others warm quickly and retain body heat which increases the realistic feel. They are a good choice if you're looking for something that feels soft like skin. The realistic materials are also porous and generally difficult if not impossible to disinfect - making them less than ideal for sharing with a partner unless you've both been tested for sexually transmitted diseases, require care when cleaning, and need an occasional dusting of corn starch or Cyberskin Renew, which is basically talc powder and is included with most realistic sex toys. You must also use a water-based lubricant because silicone lubes will damage the outer surface.
Jelly Rubber & Latex
Jelly Rubber is a commonly used material by sex toy manufacturers, because it is cheap and moldable. Jelly rubber toys are made from PVC and chemical softeners called phthalates. If vinyls do not have any softeners, they are basically very hard PVC plastic. There are four indicators to determine whether you are purchasing a jelly rubber or PVC composite toy:
Whether the material is disclosed.
Whether there are warning labels on the packaging indicating that the item you are purchasing is for novelty purposes only or if there are health disclaimers.
Jelly Rubber toys emit a chemical smell caused by PVC off-gassing of phthalates. The more you smell, the lower the grade and the more phthalates used.
Hard Plastic
Plastic sex toys have been around for a long time. Plastic is hard and inflexible which transfers vibrations very well. It's relatively non-pourous and can be disinfected to prevent infection. Plastic may be a good material if you like your sex toys to have a solid, hard feel to them. Hard plastic toys do not contain phthalates.
Before using hard plastic toys internally, check any seams for rough edges. Many people use a condom over the toy to prevent irritation from this. Often these types of toys come with jelly or silicone sleeves which fit over the toy.
As you may have been told, phthalates are "plasticizers" used to soften PVC vinyls. If vinyls do not have any softeners, they are basically very hard PVC plastic. There are different grades of vinyls, from food grade for your plastic food storage containers or baggies (which don’t give off a smell) to economical grade that are used in some lower end athletic shoes and other products. You can tell the grade of the vinyls and quantity of plasticizers (phthalates) used by the smell. The more you smell, the lower the grade and the more phthalates used. You are probably aware of the terrible chemical smell that many of the "jelly" vibrators give off. This is basically the vinyl off-gassing the large amounts of phthalates.
Phthalate exposure has been linked to obesity, cancers, low sperm count, and fetal reproductive system effects. The adult industry is not regulated by the FDA or EPA, so there are no standards that are currently followed. These government agencies do regulate children’s toys and they no longer allow phthalates in children’s toys or pacifiers.
Silicone:
Silicone is a skin friendly and non-toxic sex toy material. 100% Silicone contains no polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and is phthalate free. Silicone is also nonporous, so germs have nowhere to hide and can be completely sterilized. It is important to note that products labeled "silicone" are not necessarily 100% silicone and are often silicone composites. When shopping for a non toxic silicone toy, make sure the packaging says 100% silicone instead of just "silicone."
Skin-Safe Elastomers:
Simplified, elastomers are latex-free and phthalates free. Latex and phthalates are often the culprits for people who have sensitivities to various toys. Elastomers are a completely different material. They start out soft and have product added to make them harder. This product is then removed by high vacuum so there are no residual hardeners. No solvents are used in this process and there is no latex. This type of material is ideal for manufacturing a variety of textures.
Glass
Glass Wands are healthy and environmentally friendly From an environmental perspective, there is no better sex toy material than glass. Glass is made by the same ocean from which we evolved. It is all natural, chemical free, and biologically inert. Inevitably, nature's technology has been cultivated by man, which allows glass to be shaped and molded into an array of artistic and functional items. Even dildos! For your health, glass wands are great. Unlike plastics, glass wands are non-porous and can be completely cleaned and sterilized after use. The rigidity of glass makes them essential for effecting g-spotting. They can be warmed up, cooled down, and even thrown in the dishwasher. Aesthetically, artisan blown glass is stunningly beautiful! Every glass wand is one of a kind, which allows you to choose a unique piece that is right for you and your body.
Cyberskin & Other Realistic Materials:
Realistic materials, including Cyberskin, are intended to mimic the feel of skin. Sex toys made from realistic materials such as Cyberskin, Softskin, NewSkin, Ultraskin and others warm quickly and retain body heat which increases the realistic feel. They are a good choice if you're looking for something that feels soft like skin. The realistic materials are also porous and generally difficult if not impossible to disinfect - making them less than ideal for sharing with a partner unless you've both been tested for sexually transmitted diseases, require care when cleaning, and need an occasional dusting of corn starch or Cyberskin Renew, which is basically talc powder and is included with most realistic sex toys. You must also use a water-based lubricant because silicone lubes will damage the outer surface.
Jelly Rubber & Latex
Jelly Rubber is a commonly used material by sex toy manufacturers, because it is cheap and moldable. Jelly rubber toys are made from PVC and chemical softeners called phthalates. If vinyls do not have any softeners, they are basically very hard PVC plastic. There are four indicators to determine whether you are purchasing a jelly rubber or PVC composite toy:
Whether the material is disclosed.
Whether there are warning labels on the packaging indicating that the item you are purchasing is for novelty purposes only or if there are health disclaimers.
Jelly Rubber toys emit a chemical smell caused by PVC off-gassing of phthalates. The more you smell, the lower the grade and the more phthalates used.
Hard Plastic
Plastic sex toys have been around for a long time. Plastic is hard and inflexible which transfers vibrations very well. It's relatively non-pourous and can be disinfected to prevent infection. Plastic may be a good material if you like your sex toys to have a solid, hard feel to them. Hard plastic toys do not contain phthalates.
Before using hard plastic toys internally, check any seams for rough edges. Many people use a condom over the toy to prevent irritation from this. Often these types of toys come with jelly or silicone sleeves which fit over the toy.
Approaching Attractive Women In Clubs
It's pretty clear that if you're looking to get out of the house, blow off some steam, and meet some beautiful women, you're going to end up at some type of club.
Clubs are places people can go to drink, dance, meet other people, and have a good time with their friends. So it only makes sense that men would gravitate towards these places in their efforts to find women.
There are a few things to know and understand about the club scene though.
The first is that you'll be competing with a LOT of different stimulus. There's the loud music, flashing lights, competition from other men, and alcohol.
In situations like this, beautiful women have their guard up. Why? Because they are getting approached a LOT - mostly by guys they don't find attractive or interesting.
More than that, though, is the fact that they have friends around to run interference for them.
Understand that women tend to travel in groups to places like bars and clubs. This is a safety mechanism, because they need friends around to make sure they're not raped or accosted.
So taking all this into account, hooking up with a girl at a club becomes a much more daunting task than one would normally think!
But that's not to say it's impossible. If you really want to meet beautiful women in clubs, you have to step your game up a notch to deal with all the factors that are going against you.
First, you need to understand the stimulus that is present in the club. Say you are dancing, and the music is just blaring. You can't hear a thing. You'll have to rely on your body language to support you here.
Locking eye contact with a girl on the dance floor, and confidently wagging your finger in a "come hither" motion, can be much more effective than shouting out "do you want to dance?" over the music.
When it comes to club hook-ups, 90% of the battle is keeping other men at bay once you've zeroed in on the girl you like. If she has guys in her group, try and befriend them and win their approval. If guys are coming up trying to ruin your chances, you have to pull your girl away from them and make it clear to the guy that he's stepping on your territory.
But the biggest lesson to be aware of when appraching beautiful women in clubs is to be social enough to engage her entire group of friends.
This is VERY important.
What will usually happen is a guy will approach a girl, ignore her friends, and then after putting in a great deal of time and effort, the friends will come in at the last minute and drag the girl away!
Remember - friends are there to PROTECT each other. So if you don't engage the girl's group and let them get to know you and approve of you, you are going to have a very hard time closing the deal!
You also need to be very aggressive in a club scene. Try hard to get the girl to leave the club with you and go somewhere else where you can begin to build attraction with her (assuming you haven't done so in the club already).
If you aren't getting her out of the club, then try for her number. Understand though, if she doesn't really like you, it's doubtful you'll get a call back. Some girls are very flirtatious and fun while in a club, but once they sober up and are home, there is a chance they'll have forgotten all about you.
Clubs can be tough, but it's all part of the game. Try to make your focus about enjoying yourself, rather than hooking up. Hook ups will happen when you are having fun and least expect them!
Clubs are places people can go to drink, dance, meet other people, and have a good time with their friends. So it only makes sense that men would gravitate towards these places in their efforts to find women.
There are a few things to know and understand about the club scene though.
The first is that you'll be competing with a LOT of different stimulus. There's the loud music, flashing lights, competition from other men, and alcohol.
In situations like this, beautiful women have their guard up. Why? Because they are getting approached a LOT - mostly by guys they don't find attractive or interesting.
More than that, though, is the fact that they have friends around to run interference for them.
Understand that women tend to travel in groups to places like bars and clubs. This is a safety mechanism, because they need friends around to make sure they're not raped or accosted.
So taking all this into account, hooking up with a girl at a club becomes a much more daunting task than one would normally think!
But that's not to say it's impossible. If you really want to meet beautiful women in clubs, you have to step your game up a notch to deal with all the factors that are going against you.
First, you need to understand the stimulus that is present in the club. Say you are dancing, and the music is just blaring. You can't hear a thing. You'll have to rely on your body language to support you here.
Locking eye contact with a girl on the dance floor, and confidently wagging your finger in a "come hither" motion, can be much more effective than shouting out "do you want to dance?" over the music.
When it comes to club hook-ups, 90% of the battle is keeping other men at bay once you've zeroed in on the girl you like. If she has guys in her group, try and befriend them and win their approval. If guys are coming up trying to ruin your chances, you have to pull your girl away from them and make it clear to the guy that he's stepping on your territory.
But the biggest lesson to be aware of when appraching beautiful women in clubs is to be social enough to engage her entire group of friends.
This is VERY important.
What will usually happen is a guy will approach a girl, ignore her friends, and then after putting in a great deal of time and effort, the friends will come in at the last minute and drag the girl away!
Remember - friends are there to PROTECT each other. So if you don't engage the girl's group and let them get to know you and approve of you, you are going to have a very hard time closing the deal!
You also need to be very aggressive in a club scene. Try hard to get the girl to leave the club with you and go somewhere else where you can begin to build attraction with her (assuming you haven't done so in the club already).
If you aren't getting her out of the club, then try for her number. Understand though, if she doesn't really like you, it's doubtful you'll get a call back. Some girls are very flirtatious and fun while in a club, but once they sober up and are home, there is a chance they'll have forgotten all about you.
Clubs can be tough, but it's all part of the game. Try to make your focus about enjoying yourself, rather than hooking up. Hook ups will happen when you are having fun and least expect them!
The Art of Blissful Relationships
Blissful relationships
Here are some great tips so you can start enjoying blissful relationships. They can be used if you've been married for 50 years or if you are just in the first stages of a fresh relationship.
Firstly, it is vitally important before you can have a good relationship to love yourself. Yes, you heard right -love your self! Unless you love yourself, it's difficult for you to believe that anyone else will or for anyone to love you. You must treat yourself well and others will treat you the same.
Self-esteem is vital for any strong and happy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any weaknesses you might have, you'll feel super confident. And when you have confidence you are secure within yourself and you can just enjoy being with your partner for the happiness they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them too much for reassurance, but the stronger you are as a person, the stronger and happier your relationship will be.
Secondly, you must actually like your partner. A good relationship is between two individuals that like each other. If you honestly like each other and take pleasure in being together then love will never be too far away. It's important to tell your other half you like and love them. Kind, thoughtful words of encouragement and support will build up their trust and respect for you. Take some time out and think about the things you like about them and then give them some genuine compliments each day and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
Thirdly, make sure you spend as much quality time together as possible. The importance of your relationship can be measured by the amount of time you want to give them. If you don't spend quality time together frequently the likelihood is your relationship will fall apart, sooner rather than later.
Then, talk to each other - good communication is absolutely crucial for a good relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner what you want, who you are and why you do what you do. Improved communication is about learning to say honestly and openly exactly what you think and feel. Always, always - talk and listen.
Lastly, you must accept change, people do change over the years and it is these changes that can keep a relationship healthy. Life is always changing. Change provides great opportunities for growth. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life or it may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe. Change is part of life. The key to a good relationships is learn to change together.
Keeping up all of the above isn't easy; relationships will always need working at. I want you to remember you deserve a happy, healthy relationship. If you don't feel you are in a happy relationship - get working on the above with your partner and look forward to some happy days ahead together.
Here are some great tips so you can start enjoying blissful relationships. They can be used if you've been married for 50 years or if you are just in the first stages of a fresh relationship.
Firstly, it is vitally important before you can have a good relationship to love yourself. Yes, you heard right -love your self! Unless you love yourself, it's difficult for you to believe that anyone else will or for anyone to love you. You must treat yourself well and others will treat you the same.
Self-esteem is vital for any strong and happy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any weaknesses you might have, you'll feel super confident. And when you have confidence you are secure within yourself and you can just enjoy being with your partner for the happiness they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them too much for reassurance, but the stronger you are as a person, the stronger and happier your relationship will be.
Secondly, you must actually like your partner. A good relationship is between two individuals that like each other. If you honestly like each other and take pleasure in being together then love will never be too far away. It's important to tell your other half you like and love them. Kind, thoughtful words of encouragement and support will build up their trust and respect for you. Take some time out and think about the things you like about them and then give them some genuine compliments each day and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.
Thirdly, make sure you spend as much quality time together as possible. The importance of your relationship can be measured by the amount of time you want to give them. If you don't spend quality time together frequently the likelihood is your relationship will fall apart, sooner rather than later.
Then, talk to each other - good communication is absolutely crucial for a good relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner what you want, who you are and why you do what you do. Improved communication is about learning to say honestly and openly exactly what you think and feel. Always, always - talk and listen.
Lastly, you must accept change, people do change over the years and it is these changes that can keep a relationship healthy. Life is always changing. Change provides great opportunities for growth. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life or it may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe. Change is part of life. The key to a good relationships is learn to change together.
Keeping up all of the above isn't easy; relationships will always need working at. I want you to remember you deserve a happy, healthy relationship. If you don't feel you are in a happy relationship - get working on the above with your partner and look forward to some happy days ahead together.
Flirting with Women Tips For Men
I would like to ask you a question.
Have you ever been stuck in the friend mode with a woman you meet and like, despite all your best romantic efforts?
Well, there is a reason that happened!
Chances are it is because you did not flirt correctly with the woman.
Understand: Flirting is a very important part of the attraction process, and if you do it wrong (or worse yet, not at all!), the odds of blowing your chance with the girl go up significantly.
So why is flirting so important?
The answer is simple really; the process of flirting creates sexual tension.
And if you don't have sexual tension in an interaction, there is no attraction. And if there's no attraction, what does that make you?
You guessed it - A FRIEND!
Your attraction enhances when you know how to flirt with women properly.
And the secret is - flirting isn't really as hard as many people think. In fact, it can be a lot of fun. The only time flirting doesn't work is when it's done WRONG.
See, there's an art to flirting with a woman. Flirting is all about communicating your sexual interest in the girl, without coming right out and SAYING it.
These are mixed signals.
Your actions are communicating one thing, but your words are saying something completely different.
Some of the most common mistakes men make while flirting with a woman include:
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Obvious
Many men are caught up in the excitement of being attracted to a woman, and then they say exactly what they feel. They do not realize that this type of information presentation forces the woman to decide how she may feel about him.
And if you haven't laid the proper groundwork beforehand, chances are the girl is going to reject you.
MISTAKE #2: Not Being Obvious Enough!
On the flip side of that coin are the guys who communicate NO INTEREST AT ALL, yet in their minds they think that the girl should know how they are feeling. Then, when they make their move, the girl is surprised because up to this point, she had no idea the guy was interested in her!
MISTAKE #3: They Rely On Words Instead Of Actions
Flirting has a good deal to do with the words you use; however, non-verbal body language is a more powerful method. These are those little things such as, tilting your head, raising an eyebrow or casting a wicked little smile, since they give new meaning to otherwise innocent remarks.
MISTAKE #4: Taking Things Too Seriously
Flirting is a lighthearted and fun practice, it is when serious romantic gestures begin that causes the sexual tension to break down.
If you're not having fun when flirting - and more importantly, if the girl isn't having fun - then you are doing something WRONG.
I could list more mistakes like these, but I think you get the idea. So what's the right way to start flirting?
You're going to want to use as much sexual innuendo as you can. This is a great way to flirt. But the key here is to be SUBTLE.
Let us say you are at a bar, for example and the woman you are with orders a drink and then asks if you would like one as well, you can jokingly say to her, You aren't trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me, are you, while adding a nod and a wink.
Flirting communicates your attraction, although you never come right out and say it. Flirting is a lighthearted fun form of insinuation.
Another example would be, if a girl says something raunchy or naughty to you, you might respond with something like "Stop trying to seduce me, you vixen! You know I don't put out on the first date."
Consider how this works.
As you begin flirting more and more, you begin to get a bit more obvious about your interests, although you never really step over that line.
As you do this, you'll begin to notice how the attraction between you and the girl starts to build and build. And before you know it, that harmless flirting becomes an outright SEDUCTION.
And that is when the real fun begins.
Have you ever been stuck in the friend mode with a woman you meet and like, despite all your best romantic efforts?
Well, there is a reason that happened!
Chances are it is because you did not flirt correctly with the woman.
Understand: Flirting is a very important part of the attraction process, and if you do it wrong (or worse yet, not at all!), the odds of blowing your chance with the girl go up significantly.
So why is flirting so important?
The answer is simple really; the process of flirting creates sexual tension.
And if you don't have sexual tension in an interaction, there is no attraction. And if there's no attraction, what does that make you?
You guessed it - A FRIEND!
Your attraction enhances when you know how to flirt with women properly.
And the secret is - flirting isn't really as hard as many people think. In fact, it can be a lot of fun. The only time flirting doesn't work is when it's done WRONG.
See, there's an art to flirting with a woman. Flirting is all about communicating your sexual interest in the girl, without coming right out and SAYING it.
These are mixed signals.
Your actions are communicating one thing, but your words are saying something completely different.
Some of the most common mistakes men make while flirting with a woman include:
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Obvious
Many men are caught up in the excitement of being attracted to a woman, and then they say exactly what they feel. They do not realize that this type of information presentation forces the woman to decide how she may feel about him.
And if you haven't laid the proper groundwork beforehand, chances are the girl is going to reject you.
MISTAKE #2: Not Being Obvious Enough!
On the flip side of that coin are the guys who communicate NO INTEREST AT ALL, yet in their minds they think that the girl should know how they are feeling. Then, when they make their move, the girl is surprised because up to this point, she had no idea the guy was interested in her!
MISTAKE #3: They Rely On Words Instead Of Actions
Flirting has a good deal to do with the words you use; however, non-verbal body language is a more powerful method. These are those little things such as, tilting your head, raising an eyebrow or casting a wicked little smile, since they give new meaning to otherwise innocent remarks.
MISTAKE #4: Taking Things Too Seriously
Flirting is a lighthearted and fun practice, it is when serious romantic gestures begin that causes the sexual tension to break down.
If you're not having fun when flirting - and more importantly, if the girl isn't having fun - then you are doing something WRONG.
I could list more mistakes like these, but I think you get the idea. So what's the right way to start flirting?
You're going to want to use as much sexual innuendo as you can. This is a great way to flirt. But the key here is to be SUBTLE.
Let us say you are at a bar, for example and the woman you are with orders a drink and then asks if you would like one as well, you can jokingly say to her, You aren't trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me, are you, while adding a nod and a wink.
Flirting communicates your attraction, although you never come right out and say it. Flirting is a lighthearted fun form of insinuation.
Another example would be, if a girl says something raunchy or naughty to you, you might respond with something like "Stop trying to seduce me, you vixen! You know I don't put out on the first date."
Consider how this works.
As you begin flirting more and more, you begin to get a bit more obvious about your interests, although you never really step over that line.
As you do this, you'll begin to notice how the attraction between you and the girl starts to build and build. And before you know it, that harmless flirting becomes an outright SEDUCTION.
And that is when the real fun begins.
2012年9月25日星期二
Rules For Being "Friends With Benefits"
Every so often, you'll find a woman that you click with, but you aren't looking to commit to. So you stay friends with, while also remaining intimate.
The issue with these arrangements is that they tend to stray from the usual agreement, generally when the woman wants more and tries to pull you into a relationship. To stop this from happening, you need to lay some ground rules.
Here are some tips for keeping the "Friends With Benefits" alive and well, for as long as possible.
1.No spending the night.
Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It's much nicer than kicking her out of your place.
2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!
Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.
3. Do not enter into a "Friends With Benefits" arrangement while drunk.
There's a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there's a beer-goggles situation. You don't want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don't you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?
4. No leave-behinds!
Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes - nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they're over enough times, just for "convenience." But it's really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she's effectively attached herself to you.
5. Don't discuss any important issues.
You are trying to keep any intimacy out of the picture, and if you talk about important things, it will creep into the picture. No family matters, "favorite" stuff, dreams, personal achievements or failures. Keep it light. If she wants to talk favorites, make it favorite bands, drinks, movies, etc..
6. No pet names.
No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don't even call her "babe." Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she's going to get the wrong idea.
7. No dinners, no movies, no "quality time" of any sort.
If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o'clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it's just a hook-up. Going out late means you don't have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.
8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.
Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don't get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.
9. Always play it safe!
One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits!
And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you're done! Flush 'em down that toilet to make sure there's no possibility of "leakage."
10. Pee with the door closed.
Just because you're using each other for thrills doesn't mean you can't keep some decency.
Are these rules harsh? Maybe, but then again, this type of relationship might not be something you can handle. I know many people who can get it on and not get attached, but most just can't do it. Understand it can be a cruel playing field, and ask yourself what you are willing to do, or not do. Let that question be your guide.
The issue with these arrangements is that they tend to stray from the usual agreement, generally when the woman wants more and tries to pull you into a relationship. To stop this from happening, you need to lay some ground rules.
Here are some tips for keeping the "Friends With Benefits" alive and well, for as long as possible.
1.No spending the night.
Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It's much nicer than kicking her out of your place.
2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!
Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.
3. Do not enter into a "Friends With Benefits" arrangement while drunk.
There's a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there's a beer-goggles situation. You don't want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don't you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?
4. No leave-behinds!
Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes - nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they're over enough times, just for "convenience." But it's really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she's effectively attached herself to you.
5. Don't discuss any important issues.
You are trying to keep any intimacy out of the picture, and if you talk about important things, it will creep into the picture. No family matters, "favorite" stuff, dreams, personal achievements or failures. Keep it light. If she wants to talk favorites, make it favorite bands, drinks, movies, etc..
6. No pet names.
No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don't even call her "babe." Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she's going to get the wrong idea.
7. No dinners, no movies, no "quality time" of any sort.
If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o'clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it's just a hook-up. Going out late means you don't have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.
8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.
Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don't get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.
9. Always play it safe!
One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits!
And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you're done! Flush 'em down that toilet to make sure there's no possibility of "leakage."
10. Pee with the door closed.
Just because you're using each other for thrills doesn't mean you can't keep some decency.
Are these rules harsh? Maybe, but then again, this type of relationship might not be something you can handle. I know many people who can get it on and not get attached, but most just can't do it. Understand it can be a cruel playing field, and ask yourself what you are willing to do, or not do. Let that question be your guide.
Approach Anxiety
Hey Dr. Neder!
I’ve gone through reading both BAM I and II – great books by the way!
I’ve made my plans and have began practicing the steps outlined in the books, but here’s the problem: when I’m around women that I have no interest in whatsoever, I’m able to build rapport with them quickly and if I wanted to could easily close them.
However if it’s a woman that I’m attracted I can’t bring myself to start a conversation and work on closing her.
How do you explain that and more importantly is there any advice you could give that would help me get over whatever the hell my problem is?
Hello!
This problem is not only common, it's perfectly normal. You are invested in women that you're attracted to, and thus, fear losing the opportunity or the girl. Again, perfectly normal. This is called “approach anxiety”.
The key is that you have to work through that anxiety. You do that by:
1) Regular practice. Trust me, after you've done this 20 times, you're going to get entirely over the fear of it.
2) Being goal-focused, not girl-focused. This is important: keep your eye on the goals you created from BAM. Don't focus on the girl. She is mealy a vehicle to getting what you want. That takes the pressure off of you.
3) Keep rolling the numbers. Dating is a numbers game. If all you have is one hot girl and you lose her, you've got 100% loss. If you have 4 hot girls you're working and you lose one of them, who cares?
Do you remember the "20 No's"? It's a great tool if you have this sort of anxiety. If you don't remember it, go to my video website: http://BeingAMan.tv and click on "Video" and then "BAM! TV Episodes" and watch the first episode.
Give these things a try and let me know how they work out for you. If you apply them aggressively, you'll be over your anxiety with beautiful girls in no time.
Best regards…
------------------------------------------
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).
Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
I’ve gone through reading both BAM I and II – great books by the way!
I’ve made my plans and have began practicing the steps outlined in the books, but here’s the problem: when I’m around women that I have no interest in whatsoever, I’m able to build rapport with them quickly and if I wanted to could easily close them.
However if it’s a woman that I’m attracted I can’t bring myself to start a conversation and work on closing her.
How do you explain that and more importantly is there any advice you could give that would help me get over whatever the hell my problem is?
Hello!
This problem is not only common, it's perfectly normal. You are invested in women that you're attracted to, and thus, fear losing the opportunity or the girl. Again, perfectly normal. This is called “approach anxiety”.
The key is that you have to work through that anxiety. You do that by:
1) Regular practice. Trust me, after you've done this 20 times, you're going to get entirely over the fear of it.
2) Being goal-focused, not girl-focused. This is important: keep your eye on the goals you created from BAM. Don't focus on the girl. She is mealy a vehicle to getting what you want. That takes the pressure off of you.
3) Keep rolling the numbers. Dating is a numbers game. If all you have is one hot girl and you lose her, you've got 100% loss. If you have 4 hot girls you're working and you lose one of them, who cares?
Do you remember the "20 No's"? It's a great tool if you have this sort of anxiety. If you don't remember it, go to my video website: http://BeingAMan.tv and click on "Video" and then "BAM! TV Episodes" and watch the first episode.
Give these things a try and let me know how they work out for you. If you apply them aggressively, you'll be over your anxiety with beautiful girls in no time.
Best regards…
------------------------------------------
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).
Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
A Man's Guide To Preparation, Goals, And Pick Ups
If it's your desire to become a pickup artist, then you should probably ignore the archetype propagated by the entertainment industry. You don't have to be a sleaze or a clown to attract a pretty girl.
The truth is that attracting women can be fun and rather simple. You just need to be prepared for the encounters to be successful.
You can never really know when a pickup is going to go well, but there are ways you can prepare. So here are some steps for success BEFORE you go out picking up women!
When you go to a place where you know there will be attractive women, make the decision that you're actually going to pick them up!
Too often, guys will go out with no real goal in mind. And guess what? When you have no outcome in mind - you'll usually end up with NOTHING.
But if you go out with a specific goal, your chances of achieving that goal go up DRAMATICALLY.
It doesn't matter if it's as simple as "Talk To One Woman Tonight," or as ambitious as "Find The Woman Of Your Dreams."
As long as you have a goal, your chances of picking up a girl will increase substantially.
You don't even have to be GOING OUT to pick up women. Maybe you're visiting a food court in mid-afternoon because you're feeling hungry, and you know you'll spot at least one attractive woman there who you could see later.
You may or may not succeed in your quest, but you're much more likely to have a positive outcome if you go with the mindset that you can pull off a successful pickup.
Always take a pen and paper, or at least your cell phone, wherever you go. You'll need it for when you exchange numbers with women. Be sure to keep a condom with you, too, just in case! Knowing that you have protection on hand is just one more thing that will keep you from chickening out.
Remember: Do Not Give Yourself An Excuse NOT To Pick Up Women!
By giving yourself more reasons to NOT do something, you will effectively make doing that particular thing more difficult.
Odds are, you spend a good portion of time making excuses to not go out and pick up girls. How has that worked so far?
Not good, I bet.
Listen: Picking up women successfully is about being mentally prepared to engage someone socially.
If you are thinking about all the things that CAN go wrong, if you're obsessing over everything about yourself that ISN'T attractive, if you're looking for excuses NOT to try and pick up the girl...
Guess what?
Chances are - YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PICK HER UP!
That is why you simply need to mentally prepare yourself for the pickup. NO EXCUSES!
Visualize a positive outcome. Focus on all you have to offer a girl. Be fun, friendly, and open. But most importantly - TALK TO HER!
Don't let the opportunity pass you by. Even if you have a "bad feeling" or are nervous, just think of it as a "practice run" to help get you warmed up.
Know your environment. When you meet a girl you like, you'll want to get together with her soon - preferably the same day, while her attraction for you is still high. Be aware of good places nearby where you can "bounce" to, like bars, coffee houses, lounges, art galleries, or other fun place where you and your "target" can have a change of scenery.
You'll want to go to a place that's low-key enough so you can get to know each other better. When you bounce from one location to another, it's like you're going on another date. Why wait for another week to pass by to take her on another date so you can build comfort with her, when you know you can do it on the same day?
Have a place in mind where you can become intimate with her. If you live nearby and you can bring her home, so much the better.
Have an excuse to take her home that has nothing to do with lovemaking. You can have a DVD that she's never seen but has to see, or an exotic drink she's never tried, or some photos you've taken of a place where you've been that she's never seen.
Use your imagination - if you can write a song, try that, or if you are a good poet, that works too. It doesn't matter really, just so long as you can get her comfortable enough to come over.
The whole idea you need to keep in mind is to TAKE ACTION. Like the old boy scout motto - always be prepared. In this case, its "always be prepared for success." Stop making excuses, and pick that woman up!
The truth is that attracting women can be fun and rather simple. You just need to be prepared for the encounters to be successful.
You can never really know when a pickup is going to go well, but there are ways you can prepare. So here are some steps for success BEFORE you go out picking up women!
When you go to a place where you know there will be attractive women, make the decision that you're actually going to pick them up!
Too often, guys will go out with no real goal in mind. And guess what? When you have no outcome in mind - you'll usually end up with NOTHING.
But if you go out with a specific goal, your chances of achieving that goal go up DRAMATICALLY.
It doesn't matter if it's as simple as "Talk To One Woman Tonight," or as ambitious as "Find The Woman Of Your Dreams."
As long as you have a goal, your chances of picking up a girl will increase substantially.
You don't even have to be GOING OUT to pick up women. Maybe you're visiting a food court in mid-afternoon because you're feeling hungry, and you know you'll spot at least one attractive woman there who you could see later.
You may or may not succeed in your quest, but you're much more likely to have a positive outcome if you go with the mindset that you can pull off a successful pickup.
Always take a pen and paper, or at least your cell phone, wherever you go. You'll need it for when you exchange numbers with women. Be sure to keep a condom with you, too, just in case! Knowing that you have protection on hand is just one more thing that will keep you from chickening out.
Remember: Do Not Give Yourself An Excuse NOT To Pick Up Women!
By giving yourself more reasons to NOT do something, you will effectively make doing that particular thing more difficult.
Odds are, you spend a good portion of time making excuses to not go out and pick up girls. How has that worked so far?
Not good, I bet.
Listen: Picking up women successfully is about being mentally prepared to engage someone socially.
If you are thinking about all the things that CAN go wrong, if you're obsessing over everything about yourself that ISN'T attractive, if you're looking for excuses NOT to try and pick up the girl...
Guess what?
Chances are - YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PICK HER UP!
That is why you simply need to mentally prepare yourself for the pickup. NO EXCUSES!
Visualize a positive outcome. Focus on all you have to offer a girl. Be fun, friendly, and open. But most importantly - TALK TO HER!
Don't let the opportunity pass you by. Even if you have a "bad feeling" or are nervous, just think of it as a "practice run" to help get you warmed up.
Know your environment. When you meet a girl you like, you'll want to get together with her soon - preferably the same day, while her attraction for you is still high. Be aware of good places nearby where you can "bounce" to, like bars, coffee houses, lounges, art galleries, or other fun place where you and your "target" can have a change of scenery.
You'll want to go to a place that's low-key enough so you can get to know each other better. When you bounce from one location to another, it's like you're going on another date. Why wait for another week to pass by to take her on another date so you can build comfort with her, when you know you can do it on the same day?
Have a place in mind where you can become intimate with her. If you live nearby and you can bring her home, so much the better.
Have an excuse to take her home that has nothing to do with lovemaking. You can have a DVD that she's never seen but has to see, or an exotic drink she's never tried, or some photos you've taken of a place where you've been that she's never seen.
Use your imagination - if you can write a song, try that, or if you are a good poet, that works too. It doesn't matter really, just so long as you can get her comfortable enough to come over.
The whole idea you need to keep in mind is to TAKE ACTION. Like the old boy scout motto - always be prepared. In this case, its "always be prepared for success." Stop making excuses, and pick that woman up!
Do It Yourself Wedding Centerpieces
Do it yourself wedding centerpieces are inexpensive to make. They can be somewhat labor intensive however. Still, they can be made in one fun evening with the help of a bunch of friends, a bottle of wine and some snacks! It is a good idea to make a sample and see how you like it before making all the others. If you are using fresh flowers, you need to know how long it takes for them to start drooping. Do they have to be put together at the last minute, or can they be done a day or two in advance?
There are several things you need to keep in mind:
• What time of year is the wedding?
• How many people will be there?
• What kind of tables is being used (round or long and how large)?
• How big is your budget?
The following are some seasonal suggestions for wedding centerpieces:
• For Valentine’s Day, or anytime during February, you can take a large brandy snifter or fish bowl and fill it with little net bags of heart-shaped candies. Tie each bag with ribbons in your wedding colors. Place it on a charger or some colored tissue and sprinkle candy hearts and chocolate kisses around them. The little bags will then become the favors for your guests, so you’ve killed two birds with one stone.
• For spring or fall you can make your centerpieces from that season’s fruit, adding in a few flowers in the spring, or pine cones for fall. Cut some greenery from your bushes in the yard to place around the bowls.
• For Christmastime, decorate tiny little trees, sprayed white with little balls in your wedding colors. Or Fill a little wicker sleigh with tiny faux presents and decorative balls…or Christmas candies wrapped and then used as your favors.
Candles make lovely wedding centerpieces and can be done way in advance. Votive candles floating in a small glass bowl of potpourri or fresh flower petals. Take a cake plate and arrange candles of different heights around it, using your colors. Tuck a few fresh flowers around the spaces on the plate just before the reception. Don’t use dried or silk flowers for this purpose as they burn too easily. Pick up some tiny potted flowers, wrap the pots in tissue and ribbon, and arrange in the center of the table…using them later as favors, of course.
You can also borrow mason jars, fill them halfway with sand and poke dried flowers into them to create wedding centerpieces. The jars can be spray painted, tissue wrapped, etc. If you prefer fresh flowers, half-fill with water, add rocks and a few flowers. You can also gather leaves, branches, pine cones, small rocks, and spray paint them silver. Arrange in the center of the table. A tall thick candle can be centered in the grouping…again not too close to the sprayed items.
A great idea for place cards is to print the names out on your computer, using a heavier stock paper, Cut them out and simply weave them into the tines of the dinner fork at each place setting!
To your beautiful wedding!
There are several things you need to keep in mind:
• What time of year is the wedding?
• How many people will be there?
• What kind of tables is being used (round or long and how large)?
• How big is your budget?
The following are some seasonal suggestions for wedding centerpieces:
• For Valentine’s Day, or anytime during February, you can take a large brandy snifter or fish bowl and fill it with little net bags of heart-shaped candies. Tie each bag with ribbons in your wedding colors. Place it on a charger or some colored tissue and sprinkle candy hearts and chocolate kisses around them. The little bags will then become the favors for your guests, so you’ve killed two birds with one stone.
• For spring or fall you can make your centerpieces from that season’s fruit, adding in a few flowers in the spring, or pine cones for fall. Cut some greenery from your bushes in the yard to place around the bowls.
• For Christmastime, decorate tiny little trees, sprayed white with little balls in your wedding colors. Or Fill a little wicker sleigh with tiny faux presents and decorative balls…or Christmas candies wrapped and then used as your favors.
Candles make lovely wedding centerpieces and can be done way in advance. Votive candles floating in a small glass bowl of potpourri or fresh flower petals. Take a cake plate and arrange candles of different heights around it, using your colors. Tuck a few fresh flowers around the spaces on the plate just before the reception. Don’t use dried or silk flowers for this purpose as they burn too easily. Pick up some tiny potted flowers, wrap the pots in tissue and ribbon, and arrange in the center of the table…using them later as favors, of course.
You can also borrow mason jars, fill them halfway with sand and poke dried flowers into them to create wedding centerpieces. The jars can be spray painted, tissue wrapped, etc. If you prefer fresh flowers, half-fill with water, add rocks and a few flowers. You can also gather leaves, branches, pine cones, small rocks, and spray paint them silver. Arrange in the center of the table. A tall thick candle can be centered in the grouping…again not too close to the sprayed items.
A great idea for place cards is to print the names out on your computer, using a heavier stock paper, Cut them out and simply weave them into the tines of the dinner fork at each place setting!
To your beautiful wedding!
2012年9月24日星期一
Watch Out for Internet Dating Dangers
Most people who sign up at dating websites are usually clueless about Internet dating dangers — whether they pay to join an Internet dating service or it’s a totally free Internet dating site — it doesn’t make the experience any safer if you don’t know what to watch out for.
So, be on the look out for these common Internet dating dangers:
*** People who lie in their profiles
Research has proven that men lie about their height, weight, marital status, age and income.
Women lie most about their weight and their age.
How to Protect Yourself —
Do not automatically believe anyone’s written profile
AND do not trust their photograph (which may be decades old or even belong to someone else)
If you become seriously interested in someone and you’re ready to meet in person but you want to avoid any shock:
Ask for a video skype call so you can see each other in advance of physically meeting
And ask to speak with a friend who can vouch for the facts of the other person’s profile
*** People who aren’t single
Do not automatically assume because someone is a member of a singles site that they are actually single. You want to have a good Internet dating match, and determining that the other person is actually single (or at least in the process of getting a divorce) is part of your growth process as you gain confidence in your ability to take your time and patiently get the information you need before you leap into something that could be hurtful.
*** People who are just players when you want a serious Internet dating match
Make sure to be up front in your email messages and phone calls that you want to find a serious relationship and you’re only interested in spending your time with people who have the same Internet dating match goal. Listen very carefully for any resistance to your comments and go forward only if you believe that you’re getting a solid response that matches what you are looking for.
One of the blessings of totally free Internet dating sites is you can practice being honest and curious, gaining more solid emotional and conversational skills, without it costing you a dime!
So, be on the look out for these common Internet dating dangers:
*** People who lie in their profiles
Research has proven that men lie about their height, weight, marital status, age and income.
Women lie most about their weight and their age.
How to Protect Yourself —
Do not automatically believe anyone’s written profile
AND do not trust their photograph (which may be decades old or even belong to someone else)
If you become seriously interested in someone and you’re ready to meet in person but you want to avoid any shock:
Ask for a video skype call so you can see each other in advance of physically meeting
And ask to speak with a friend who can vouch for the facts of the other person’s profile
*** People who aren’t single
Do not automatically assume because someone is a member of a singles site that they are actually single. You want to have a good Internet dating match, and determining that the other person is actually single (or at least in the process of getting a divorce) is part of your growth process as you gain confidence in your ability to take your time and patiently get the information you need before you leap into something that could be hurtful.
*** People who are just players when you want a serious Internet dating match
Make sure to be up front in your email messages and phone calls that you want to find a serious relationship and you’re only interested in spending your time with people who have the same Internet dating match goal. Listen very carefully for any resistance to your comments and go forward only if you believe that you’re getting a solid response that matches what you are looking for.
One of the blessings of totally free Internet dating sites is you can practice being honest and curious, gaining more solid emotional and conversational skills, without it costing you a dime!
Live In Friend: A Much Needed New Word
We are handicapped in English in our “modern” culture. We now have many people who live together without marriage. This includes the heterosexual pairs, and also homosexual pairs. To some very religious persons, “living in sin”, might be their description. To more moderate and forgiving persons, there is no word that fits the category.
The “oldies” aren’t “goodies” in this case. “Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” implies something much simpler and childlike. Fiancée implies an actual engagement with a ring, and at least marriage in the future. POOSLQ - “persons of opposite sex sharing living quarters” has the same disadvantage as the others, no room for homosexual couples. Further, it’s not very easy to remember, and a mouthful. not only to say, but in many cases explain. “My roommate” implies a financial relationship, not a sexual one. (It may be used when the couple involved are “in the closet”, so to speak.) It’s perhaps the vaguest of all these terms.
Some years ago, I was embarrassed because I couldn’t remember exactly what POOSLQ stood for. I had used the term in a conversation. I thought it was “persons of opposite sex living together”, and couldn’t remember what the “Q” stood for. This memory lapse caused me to think about this term off and on for some months at the back of my mind. I thought of several different words. But none seemed to cover all the possibilities well.
In a moment when I had nothing better to do, I thought about this word again. I learned long ago to simply put down on paper what I was trying to do, so I put down “person living with another”. From that my mind leaped to the phrase “living with friend”. This gave LWF, and that’s not as simple as I wanted it. I quickly came to “live in friend”, and the initials “LIF” make up a new word.
Note how well this covers all the various situations of couples living together, whether heterosexual or homosexual. It fits nearly all situations.
In 1953, I met an Air Force Lieutenant who had spent time living in a tent in North Africa with another Lieutenant near the end of World War II. There was literally nothing to do much of the time, so they played word games, simply to pass the time. One day they decided to invent a new word, and spent several hours (as my friend told it) finding a word to use.
They finally came up with a new word “ZILCH”. They finally decided that it should be a word meaning “nothing”, as they felt that that’s what they were doing in that tent. It has now become a very common word in the English language, and very few even know what the original meaning of that word was. Being males in that time and place and circumstances, it was, of course, obscene. They finally decided on two descriptions.
1. “A wet bag of crushed assholes”.
2. “A crushed bag of wet assholes”.
Both descriptions, of course, mean nothing, and almost nobody knows the actual original meaning.
I hope that my word “LIF” gets even close to the circulation of “ZILCH”. We need a word for these situations that is simple, and easy.
The “oldies” aren’t “goodies” in this case. “Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” implies something much simpler and childlike. Fiancée implies an actual engagement with a ring, and at least marriage in the future. POOSLQ - “persons of opposite sex sharing living quarters” has the same disadvantage as the others, no room for homosexual couples. Further, it’s not very easy to remember, and a mouthful. not only to say, but in many cases explain. “My roommate” implies a financial relationship, not a sexual one. (It may be used when the couple involved are “in the closet”, so to speak.) It’s perhaps the vaguest of all these terms.
Some years ago, I was embarrassed because I couldn’t remember exactly what POOSLQ stood for. I had used the term in a conversation. I thought it was “persons of opposite sex living together”, and couldn’t remember what the “Q” stood for. This memory lapse caused me to think about this term off and on for some months at the back of my mind. I thought of several different words. But none seemed to cover all the possibilities well.
In a moment when I had nothing better to do, I thought about this word again. I learned long ago to simply put down on paper what I was trying to do, so I put down “person living with another”. From that my mind leaped to the phrase “living with friend”. This gave LWF, and that’s not as simple as I wanted it. I quickly came to “live in friend”, and the initials “LIF” make up a new word.
Note how well this covers all the various situations of couples living together, whether heterosexual or homosexual. It fits nearly all situations.
In 1953, I met an Air Force Lieutenant who had spent time living in a tent in North Africa with another Lieutenant near the end of World War II. There was literally nothing to do much of the time, so they played word games, simply to pass the time. One day they decided to invent a new word, and spent several hours (as my friend told it) finding a word to use.
They finally came up with a new word “ZILCH”. They finally decided that it should be a word meaning “nothing”, as they felt that that’s what they were doing in that tent. It has now become a very common word in the English language, and very few even know what the original meaning of that word was. Being males in that time and place and circumstances, it was, of course, obscene. They finally decided on two descriptions.
1. “A wet bag of crushed assholes”.
2. “A crushed bag of wet assholes”.
Both descriptions, of course, mean nothing, and almost nobody knows the actual original meaning.
I hope that my word “LIF” gets even close to the circulation of “ZILCH”. We need a word for these situations that is simple, and easy.
The 3 Top Pieces Of Advice After A Break Up
Simply put, most people need advice after a break up. It's an emotional time, and without good advice from someone who knows what to do (and has probably been there themselves), you may end up doing something rash that you will end up regretting. Also, good advice can help you get through the pain of the breakup faster, as it will enable you to get control of your emotions and put things in better perspective.
If you need good advice after a break up, you've come to the right place. We've been there and we know what you're going through. We've also helped hundreds of people just like you get over the end of a relationship. Here are the top 3 pieces of advice that will get you on the road to emotional recovery.
1. Don't contact your ex for a while. Sure, you may want to, but really, it's a bad idea. Even if the break up was amicable, you both need some time to clear your minds and look at things objectively again. If your break up was tumultuous, you may just end up fighting with your ex if you contact each other too soon. If you are hoping for any chance at a reconciliation later, fighting is the last thing you want, as it can completely nix any chances of this happening.
2. Don't try to get your ex to take you back. A reconciliation MIGHT happen, but not if you force it. Reunions of that nature have to happen naturally, and there are ways to bring that about. But if you keep badgering your ex to take you back, and especially if you beg, then that's just going to push him farther away.
3. Don't try to change yourself for your ex, or convince your ex you've changed. You need to be yourself, and your ex must love you for who you are. If there are facets of your personality that you're genuinely unhappy with, work on those on your own, away from your ex, and not with the intent of using those changes to get back together. The worst thing you can do is to try to change things about you that you like, simply because your ex wants you to. That will drive a wedge between the two of you that will spell doom to any reconciliation attempt you make.
If you need more advice after a break up, such as how to handle the emotional turmoil, I have a proven system that will help you learn how to bring your ex back naturally, without forcing it, so that your renewed relationship will be stronger than ever before. It's some of the best post-breakup advice you can get.
To get started, watch this FREE video to find some of the top mistakes people make and yet can be easily avoided when dealing with your ex after a break up.
If you need good advice after a break up, you've come to the right place. We've been there and we know what you're going through. We've also helped hundreds of people just like you get over the end of a relationship. Here are the top 3 pieces of advice that will get you on the road to emotional recovery.
1. Don't contact your ex for a while. Sure, you may want to, but really, it's a bad idea. Even if the break up was amicable, you both need some time to clear your minds and look at things objectively again. If your break up was tumultuous, you may just end up fighting with your ex if you contact each other too soon. If you are hoping for any chance at a reconciliation later, fighting is the last thing you want, as it can completely nix any chances of this happening.
2. Don't try to get your ex to take you back. A reconciliation MIGHT happen, but not if you force it. Reunions of that nature have to happen naturally, and there are ways to bring that about. But if you keep badgering your ex to take you back, and especially if you beg, then that's just going to push him farther away.
3. Don't try to change yourself for your ex, or convince your ex you've changed. You need to be yourself, and your ex must love you for who you are. If there are facets of your personality that you're genuinely unhappy with, work on those on your own, away from your ex, and not with the intent of using those changes to get back together. The worst thing you can do is to try to change things about you that you like, simply because your ex wants you to. That will drive a wedge between the two of you that will spell doom to any reconciliation attempt you make.
If you need more advice after a break up, such as how to handle the emotional turmoil, I have a proven system that will help you learn how to bring your ex back naturally, without forcing it, so that your renewed relationship will be stronger than ever before. It's some of the best post-breakup advice you can get.
To get started, watch this FREE video to find some of the top mistakes people make and yet can be easily avoided when dealing with your ex after a break up.
Speed Dating Done Right
Have you tried, or considered, Speed Dating, or any of the other versions out there? You might think the whole thing is ridiculous, but believe it or not, it's a lot of fun. I had thoughts of the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin in my head, but truth be told, it was nothing like that. Lucky for you, I have some tips that will help you in your endeavors.
First things first, let's talk about what you do BEFORE you go. I think it goes without saying that hygiene is the first thing you should take care of. This will be scrutinized even more than in a normal situation, so take care of this.
Clean yourself up, trim your nails neat, clip that nose hair. But once it is done, when you are ready to walk out that door, be DONE with it, save for a pack of mints for the dating itself.
The same thing goes for your clothing. Clean obviously, but dress to impress. I wouldn't go too showy, just make yourself look good. Polish your shoes, hit the jacket with the lint brush, and take care of any details.
Another thing to do is practice before you go. Not just some lines, or routines, but spontaneity. How does one practice that? By saying what immediately comes to mind when having a conversation. That sounds crazy, I know, but practice with a friend. The result is that you sound more genuine. Put in a bit of time with this, it'll help.
I tried something new lately - using the first date to warm up. Luckily, she wasn't beautiful, and it allowed me to make as many mistakes as necessary to get in a groove. The rest of the evening got much easier. I also found it was great, because I tried it when I was out of town, and it allowed me to get a feel for the women in a new area. I went to an 8 Minute Dating in Edmonton while out on business, and landed a really easy date with a beautiful woman.
Focus on bringing positive energy from your end. Amp it up, and if you are having fun, people will catch on to this and have fun themselves. They'll remember you, and your odds will be upped dramatically of landing the next date.
When you do that, you'll also be able to take advantage of the other guy's mistakes. Trust me, they'll make a lot. The biggest is being uptight and nervous. If you can avoid that, you'll look like a million bucks after they've dealt with some nervous, twitchy, uncomfortable guy. It helps when you smile while doing this, and relax. You'll allow them to do the same, and fun will happen!
During the conversation, you'll do far better if you show genuine interest in them, but as well, be ready to carry the conversation when they ask you a question. A good conversation should be back and forth, and neither side should feel drilled.
Also, make sure not to drink too much. This will blow your chances faster than anything. If they wanted a drunk guy, they'd hit a slum bar and do just fine. Don't be that guy.
When it's time to "close", just make the next date easy. If you are enjoying yourself, and so is she, just let her know when the clock runs down. Tell her you enjoyed yourself and would love to continue this conversation. If you are paying attention, and you know she's having fun, you should get that next date easily.
Remember, the whole thing is about making a great impression in the small amount of time that you have. Work with what I've given you above, and you should see some great success when it comes to speed dating.
First things first, let's talk about what you do BEFORE you go. I think it goes without saying that hygiene is the first thing you should take care of. This will be scrutinized even more than in a normal situation, so take care of this.
Clean yourself up, trim your nails neat, clip that nose hair. But once it is done, when you are ready to walk out that door, be DONE with it, save for a pack of mints for the dating itself.
The same thing goes for your clothing. Clean obviously, but dress to impress. I wouldn't go too showy, just make yourself look good. Polish your shoes, hit the jacket with the lint brush, and take care of any details.
Another thing to do is practice before you go. Not just some lines, or routines, but spontaneity. How does one practice that? By saying what immediately comes to mind when having a conversation. That sounds crazy, I know, but practice with a friend. The result is that you sound more genuine. Put in a bit of time with this, it'll help.
I tried something new lately - using the first date to warm up. Luckily, she wasn't beautiful, and it allowed me to make as many mistakes as necessary to get in a groove. The rest of the evening got much easier. I also found it was great, because I tried it when I was out of town, and it allowed me to get a feel for the women in a new area. I went to an 8 Minute Dating in Edmonton while out on business, and landed a really easy date with a beautiful woman.
Focus on bringing positive energy from your end. Amp it up, and if you are having fun, people will catch on to this and have fun themselves. They'll remember you, and your odds will be upped dramatically of landing the next date.
When you do that, you'll also be able to take advantage of the other guy's mistakes. Trust me, they'll make a lot. The biggest is being uptight and nervous. If you can avoid that, you'll look like a million bucks after they've dealt with some nervous, twitchy, uncomfortable guy. It helps when you smile while doing this, and relax. You'll allow them to do the same, and fun will happen!
During the conversation, you'll do far better if you show genuine interest in them, but as well, be ready to carry the conversation when they ask you a question. A good conversation should be back and forth, and neither side should feel drilled.
Also, make sure not to drink too much. This will blow your chances faster than anything. If they wanted a drunk guy, they'd hit a slum bar and do just fine. Don't be that guy.
When it's time to "close", just make the next date easy. If you are enjoying yourself, and so is she, just let her know when the clock runs down. Tell her you enjoyed yourself and would love to continue this conversation. If you are paying attention, and you know she's having fun, you should get that next date easily.
Remember, the whole thing is about making a great impression in the small amount of time that you have. Work with what I've given you above, and you should see some great success when it comes to speed dating.
2012年9月23日星期日
Getting Her to Return That Call
This is a very familiar, and common thing to have happen - you find a very attractive young lady, chat her up, and wind up getting her number. You then call her.
Then it happens. Time passes, and no return call. So you try again and leave a message.
Again, no return phone call.
Not wanting to seem "desperate," you play it cool, wait a day or two, and then try calling her one more time.
You try and sound cheery when her voicemail picks up. You remind her who you are, and you ask her - almost BEG her - to call you back.
And again, you hear nothing. Eventually, you give up, another opportunity with a beautiful girl wasted!
So many guys have no idea why this happens. After all, if the girl didn't want to talk to you, why did she give you her number in the first place?
This is what is actually happening here. A woman generally gives out her number in these scenarios for two reasons.
REASON 1: They genuinely like you and want to hear from you again.
REASON 2: She doesn't care to hear from you again, but it's easy (and safe) to blow you off this way without being rude.
If reason #2 is the case, there's very little you can do to get the girl to call you back, because by that time, you've probably "blown" your chance.
But when it comes to reason #1, you're STILL not very lucky!
See - even if a girl genuinely likes you, and wants to call you back, there are any NUMBER of things that could interfere with her doing so.
She could get busy, she could get sick, she could have some sort of crisis with her favorite pet... the list goes on and on.
So what does that mean to you? Are you destined to simply never have a girl you like return your phone call?
Lucky for you, the answer is NO. There are some things you can do to get a girl to call you back.
First things first, you need to make sure you get her REAL number to begin with.
Girls get asked for their number so often by guys, that many women have taken up the practice of giving out fake numbers. So when you ask for her number, you want to be sure she's actually interested enough to give you the real deal.
If the girl is not interested, don't bother asking for her number. Instead, ask for something a little less personal, like her email address or myspace page.
If she is interested, try this trick - ask for her phone, and then call yourself with it so that her number is in your phone, then save that number. This way, you know for a FACT you have her actual phone number.
(And while your at it, you can actually save your number in her phone so she knows its you when you call. This is important because lots of people don't pick up unknown numbers!)
Okay, so you have the number, now what? You need to give her a REASON to return your call!
Too often, guys will just call up a girl and leave a message like "Hey, it's Mike, we met the other night. Call me back. Later!"
How about trying something a bit more URGENT. It could be as simple as:
"Hey, it's Mike from the other night. You're not going to believe what I'm watching right now, its going to crack you up. Call me back!"
Creating an "open" conversation loop and some type of curiosity will help encourage a girl to call you back, because naturally, she'll want to find out what it was that you thought she'd find amusing.
This is just one example - there are lots of different ways for you to create curiosity over the phone. You can even go so far as to recall a conversation you had when you first met, so that she'll remember the feelings she experienced when she was around you.
But most of all - do NOT get frustrated if you don't hear back from her right away! Girls get busy, so you need to change tactics.
Try texting her instead of calling. Ask when she will be available to talk. It's VERY rare that a woman won't have time for a small text reply.
Once you figure out how this all works, getting a girl to call you back is pretty easy.
Then it happens. Time passes, and no return call. So you try again and leave a message.
Again, no return phone call.
Not wanting to seem "desperate," you play it cool, wait a day or two, and then try calling her one more time.
You try and sound cheery when her voicemail picks up. You remind her who you are, and you ask her - almost BEG her - to call you back.
And again, you hear nothing. Eventually, you give up, another opportunity with a beautiful girl wasted!
So many guys have no idea why this happens. After all, if the girl didn't want to talk to you, why did she give you her number in the first place?
This is what is actually happening here. A woman generally gives out her number in these scenarios for two reasons.
REASON 1: They genuinely like you and want to hear from you again.
REASON 2: She doesn't care to hear from you again, but it's easy (and safe) to blow you off this way without being rude.
If reason #2 is the case, there's very little you can do to get the girl to call you back, because by that time, you've probably "blown" your chance.
But when it comes to reason #1, you're STILL not very lucky!
See - even if a girl genuinely likes you, and wants to call you back, there are any NUMBER of things that could interfere with her doing so.
She could get busy, she could get sick, she could have some sort of crisis with her favorite pet... the list goes on and on.
So what does that mean to you? Are you destined to simply never have a girl you like return your phone call?
Lucky for you, the answer is NO. There are some things you can do to get a girl to call you back.
First things first, you need to make sure you get her REAL number to begin with.
Girls get asked for their number so often by guys, that many women have taken up the practice of giving out fake numbers. So when you ask for her number, you want to be sure she's actually interested enough to give you the real deal.
If the girl is not interested, don't bother asking for her number. Instead, ask for something a little less personal, like her email address or myspace page.
If she is interested, try this trick - ask for her phone, and then call yourself with it so that her number is in your phone, then save that number. This way, you know for a FACT you have her actual phone number.
(And while your at it, you can actually save your number in her phone so she knows its you when you call. This is important because lots of people don't pick up unknown numbers!)
Okay, so you have the number, now what? You need to give her a REASON to return your call!
Too often, guys will just call up a girl and leave a message like "Hey, it's Mike, we met the other night. Call me back. Later!"
How about trying something a bit more URGENT. It could be as simple as:
"Hey, it's Mike from the other night. You're not going to believe what I'm watching right now, its going to crack you up. Call me back!"
Creating an "open" conversation loop and some type of curiosity will help encourage a girl to call you back, because naturally, she'll want to find out what it was that you thought she'd find amusing.
This is just one example - there are lots of different ways for you to create curiosity over the phone. You can even go so far as to recall a conversation you had when you first met, so that she'll remember the feelings she experienced when she was around you.
But most of all - do NOT get frustrated if you don't hear back from her right away! Girls get busy, so you need to change tactics.
Try texting her instead of calling. Ask when she will be available to talk. It's VERY rare that a woman won't have time for a small text reply.
Once you figure out how this all works, getting a girl to call you back is pretty easy.
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