How Do I Know My Ex Boyfriend Still Loves Me?

We all think we know our partners very well. We’ve got used to reading their body language, the tones of voices and the smallest gestures. And when we go through a breakup we’re bound to try to work out their true feelings by relying on those things we think we know about them. But there’s another exercise you can try, which really does seem to be reliable and effective.

It uses the idea of the “Scale of Emotions”. The thinking behind it is that we all subconsciously rate people on a scale, just like a thermometer, in terms of our strength of feeling towards them, whether it’s something intense like love or hate or something as disheartening as total indifference. The intense emotions are really just inversions of each other, and indifference is the genuine opposite of both.

You can get a pretty good idea of where you register on your ex’s scale by analyzing the way he behaves towards you now that you’re no longer an item. One of the most important aspects of his behavior is simply the frequency with which he initiates contact with you after he’s let you down with his plea for you to be “just good friends”.

If all you hear is a deep, deafening silence from him then you probably have to accept that it’s over. But if he keeps in touch, even if at first he’s wary or tentative, it means he’s certainly not indifferent. So what does he feel? Well, he’s clearly interested in keeping you as part of his life, which means he’s unlikely to be feeling hate. It may not quite yet be love again but if he’s warm and responsive, there’s every chance you’ll find a way back to something strong and good again.