Why Can't Women Approach Men?

I bet this is familiar to you...

A guy stands at a bar, surveying the scene for a woman he finds attractive. He's got his drink in his hand, trying to work up enough "liquid courage" to make his move.

He sees more than a few girls he'd like to meet. Maybe even a few of them notice him and send him a few "subtle signals" to let him know it's okay to approach.

Unfortunately, most guys may not pick up on those "subtle signs" and wind up standing there, drink in hand, wondering when the courage to approach will overtake them.

Wouldn't it just be easier if the girl would approach the guy?

The answer is: YES! In a perfect world, the girl would approach the guy, and all uncertainty would be eliminated.

But this is a fairy tale. I'd say 98% of the women out there would never approach a guy - even if they find him attractive. And thinking that this is actually a POSSIBILITY is a major reason why most guys end up going home alone at the end of the night.

Here is a very simple FACT:

If you like a girl, and you're waiting around for her to approach you, you will be waiting a very, VERY long time!

Of course, this is a very frustrating reality for most men - especially shy men who desperately cling to the fantasy of a woman walking up to them and professing their undying love.

"If only it was easier!" They lament. "Why do men have to be the ones to approach women?"

To me, this question is like complaining "Why does the sky have to be blue? Why can't it be red?" The fact of the matter is this - it just is the way things are.

As to the question of WHY men have to be the ones to approach women, and not the other way around, we have to look at how our culture and tradition have shaped the way women are taught.

Historically, women have been extremely sheltered from men. A man with a daughter would want to keep her a virgin until marriage, so in order to court the girl, it was up to the man to take action because the woman would be sheltered by her father, her brothers, and any other male (and female) family members there may be.

This goes back to biblical times, where women were considered a "burden" because they could not perform hard manual labor or inherit wealth, such as sons were able to do.

Back then, if the woman was not a virgin, or worse, had a child out of wedlock, she was considered unworthy for marriage. That left the father caring for her the rest of his life.

Not exactly the ideal situation for the father, so as you can see, there was ample reason to keep his daughters "sheltered."

As time went on, and women became less sheltered, there was still a stigma attached to women who were too "forward." Women don't want to be shamed by being called a "slut" or a "tramp," so from a social perspective, women approaching men was always a big no-no. This doesn't stop women for letting their interest be KNOWN, but it does keep some of them from being too forward with their desires.

In the 80s, this was reversed for a while and feminist the world over said it was okay for a woman to ask a man out. However, once women saw how much it sucked to ask someone out and get rejected, they just stopped doing it. There's a reason that trend never caught on.

Unfortunately, though women seemed to come to their senses, due to the media exposure over the trend, I don't think many men caught onto the idea that women decided not to peruse this type of courtship. So now, we have a situation where it is okay for a "modern woman" to ask a man out. But just because it's okay to do something, doesn't mean people will do it.

Every time a guy comes to me and wants to understand why he has to be the one to approach a woman, I tell him to read the book "The Rules." It's basically a "pick up guide for women." But it has some very interesting psychology in it that men can learn a lot from. (I know that reading this book personally helped me understand a lot about the way women think!)

Basically, according to this book, a woman feels that if a man doesn't approach her, he's not attracted to her. So it's just easier to deal with the guys who approach because then they can decide whether or not they like them. After all, it's always preferable to go for a sure thing, right?

However, who are most of the guys who have no problem approaching women? Jerks and butt-holes! That's why most women have poor opinions about men, because the good ones are too scared or shy to approach, giving free reign to the self-absorbed morons who give our gender a bad name.

So if you look at it from a woman's perspective, allowing men to approach them is a preferable position to be in.

But let me say this - having the responsibility to approach women is actually a GOOD thing from a guy's perspective as well.

Sure, rejection and uncertainty suck. But we get to choose who we approach and only go after women we like. These poor girls who have to stand around and wait to be approached get losers walking up to them every day, using cheesy pickup lines and doing stupid things to try and impress them. If you were in their position, you'd probably get sick of it too.

This is one of the reasons I focus on approaching so much. Knowing how to effectively approach women really does empower you. It gives you ultimate choice in your love life.

Waiting for a woman to approach you is like waiting for Godot. It ain't never gonna happen. And if it does, the woman is either a "professional" or she'll most likely cheat on you the first chance she gets and break your heart.

That's just the way it goes. But instead of hating things the way they are, accept them and use them to your advantage! It's much easier than despairing about it and wishing things were different.

When you find yourself at a bar, drink in hand, remember that the choice is yours. Be GLAD you have that choice yourself, and have fun with it.

Meeting women doesn't have to be a chore. In fact, it SHOULDN'T be! It needs to be an enjoyable process. And the sooner you stop hating things "the way they are" and accept things as "the way they need to be," you can start having more fun and much more success in your love life.