Understanding & Dating A Widow

Recently, I was in a relationship that was quite unusual for me. I dated a striking, but reserved young lady, who just so happened to be a widow. It was beyond the normal scope of things for me. I knew something was different, but I didn't feel like something was "funny". She was preoccupied by the situation, which made sense to me.

Many guys like to play a strong game with an attractive woman. Generally, they have no choice as a woman will play games to start off. In this situation, it wasn't the time nor place to act in this manner. No one needed to get the "upper hand" so to speak.

Needless to say, the whole experience was humbling, and I learned a few things that I'll share with you.

As I mentioned above, it's not a time to play the cut throat. You have to know that you aren't just here for a wild fling. You'll have to be very understanding of the situation. She isn't trying to put a guy through the grinder, like many women do. She's trying to feel normal, and to move on with her life. You are dealing with an emotionally wounded person, so act appropriately.

Once it is apparent that this is the situation, you must choose whether or not to continue the relationship. You will be getting yourself into a situation that requires more forethought than a normal relationship. If children are a part of it, it's even tougher. If you choose to move on, you won't be a bad person for it.

If you stay with her, you'll have to live with a few things. You won't be able to replace the husband. Don't even try. He was taken from her, and given that, the grieving process can be difficult and uneven. You have to allow her grief to run it's course, no matter when it happens.

This can be tough, as any little thing can remind her of the deceased. That is why you need to make a decision and stay with it. A perfectly great night can be ruined in a moment, and there is little to be done about it.

Something else to remember is this: allow her to escape this issue, even if for a short time. Be an outlet for some fun. She'll move on quicker, and the night will seem like any other date. Just push for fun, some excitement, but be mindful. Any don't bring HIM up. That's the last thing either of you wants. If she wants to talk about it, let her, and move on from the topic when you are ready.

In regards to what I've written above, I think it's pretty obvious you shouldn't try to push to get her into bed. Control of that should be hers, and hers alone. Not to say that you can't flirt, or make her feel desired. She'll definitely appreciate that. But she will probably need to make the next step on her own.

It will take time, but these things will change. Be understanding of her situation, but other wise, treat her like any other human being. You could end up having a wonderful relationship with her. But you will have to allow things to run their course. It will be a better situation for all parties involved.