Tips For Christian Guys On Dating

Probably the biggest balancing act we have to face in our lives is the one between our desires and our beliefs.

As someone who has dealt with this for most of his adult life, I feel like I have a perspective that allows for a good balance.

It is natural to want to stay true to what we believe in. And for most Christian men, it is important that love occur within the boundaries of church.

One of those boundaries is that sleeping with a woman should only happen once married.

I don't judge this tenant. Some people choose to follow it. I believe this is just as valid as the people who choose not to follow it.

Ancient cultures used to believe that when partaking in love making, a part of the other person's soul would mingle with yours, and that you'd carry that person around with you for the rest of your life.

In some respects, this is true. So the doctrine to keep your virginity for your wife is a wise one.

But this presents a unique challenge for those men out there who wish to stay true to their faith.

How can you ramp up attraction and build a relationship if you have to wait for it?

Let's face it, compatibility IS important. Without it, the union is difficult.

Here are a few pointers on how to face this issue:

1. Be clear about what you believe.

Our faith is meant to guide us through life. Because of this, it is very important to be clear on what it is you believe.

God gave us free will and the ability to think and reason. It is up to us to look at all our options and decide what path to take. You may believe in some of what the Church teaches, but not all. Or, you may embrace all of the Church's teachings.

No matter what your choice, you must be clear on what it is you believe, and stick to it!

2. Understand that God has a plan for you

You must trust in the fact that there is a woman out there you are meant to be with, and God has a plan to unite you with her.

But there is only so much God can do! After all, we are beings of free will, and it is up to us to take action and seize the opportunities God presents to us.

That means we must be proactive in finding the right woman for us.

Going out and meeting women, taking them on dates, getting to know them - this is not just stuff that happens. We have to MAKE it happen.

And this is the key to it. Our actions keep us on our path that was laid before us by God. Actions that are based on our beliefs.

3. There is no special quality about virginity.

Many people have a notion that virginity is something to be prized, but it really isn't. Love making is just an act. It's just like breathing, or walking, or exercising. It is something we do.

God meant for man to be fruitful and multiply. We are meant to make love. It is one of God's greatest gifts. If we were not meant to do this, He would not have made it pleasurable.

So to look at your virginity as something sacred is not helpful. Virginity is meant to be lost - the real challenge is finding the right person to lose it to!

In the end, there is a spiritual aspect to your amorous nature. It's the aspect that you find someone who makes you feel whole, alive, and loved. This is something separate from the animal act, because this touches you on a deeper level.

This type of intimacy is what we should really try to attain before we jump into marriage. It's for a better union and will allow you understand if the physical aspect will work too.

Do not shy away from intimacy. Physical touching, along with kissing, is actually okay. The real intimacy comes from sharing - your desires, dreams, and feelings.

4. Remember that she is a person.

Because of the importance places on love making in your faith, it might be easy to artificially inflate a woman's importance.

You might see her as a delicate flower, or a goddess, or something that needs to be cherished and treated special.

But women are no different from me. God cut us both from the same cloth. To treat a woman as though she is special, just because you are attracted to her, is not the same as respecting her.

It is easy to love an ideal. But it is hard to love the reality. The woman who gets ornery when she's hungry, the woman who nags you about taking out the garbage, the woman who wakes up in the morning with bad breath - that is the reality.

We need to embrace women as equals, not to be idealized or trivialized. It's just a small difference that separates us, and after that, we share similar traits.

Once we see that women are just like us, our choice as to whether we are meant to be with any specific one becomes far clearer.