The Art Of Verbal Flirting, Part 2

So you have her talking - well done! Now you have to learn to take turns speaking - it's an important part of your flirting arsenal.

Here's an example of why this is important to know: you are speaking with a nice young woman, and it appears to be going well. You keep talking, and then her eyes wander. Soon, the conversation just winds down, and she's gone. So what happened there?

It could be a bunch of things, but perhaps the most common mistake that men (and women) make is lack of recognizing the tempo of conversation, and that they need to take turns. The vocal inflection of another person will indicate WHEN it is time to talk.

Too often, people who are frightened of speaking, when finally given the chance, will tend to blabber like there is no tomorrow. Understandably so - it's NICE to have someone paying attention to you.

But true rapport and conversation isn't like this. And after time, a blabbermouth will eventually run people off.

In a recent article, I wrote about vocal signals, one of them being the change in intonation when finishing a sentence, indicating it's time for the other person to speak.

Learning these signals is vital to your success. If you don't heed them, you'll end up irritating the people around you. It doesn't matter how well spoken you are - if no one else can get a word in, you'll be hated.

On the opposite end of that, you can end up being worse - the guy who puts ZERO effort into any conversation, making the other person do all the talking by showing no interest.

Either of these situations is bad... and if you don't pay attention, you might end up AS one of these guys!

So how do we avoid this? By allotting equal time for each person. You should speak the same amount of time as the other person.

Most of the time, a pause is a sufficient signal. But it isn't always the case. In the earlier articles I wrote about in the nonverbal section, there are some nonverbal cues that will allow us to see when it's time.

The first is eye contact - the woman might glance away while finishing the sentence. As well, there is the matter of rising and falling intonation - an intonation change will indicate, as well, that they are finished speaking. Listen also for a drop in volume at the end of the sentence - it's the final clue.

So we have these cues: length of their turn, pause, intonation at the end of the sentence, eyes turning away at the end of the sentence, and a drop of volume. If any of these happen in combination, it's usually a good sign that it is your turn to speak.

When you speak with others, try to make the turns equal length. You'll be surprised at the effect - you'll be considered a great person to talk to!

Coming up in a later article, I'll get into the subject of content when it comes to talking with others!